In the begining...

Wow... where do I begin.  My husband and I have always been two of the nicest people you would ever want to meet.  In the begining of our marriage, that was to everybody but each other.  Oh, we loved each other... just couldn't seem to make each other happy.  Oh, it's not that we didn't try.  I seemed to be angry all the time and he was closed for business... shut down... all the time.  I honestly don't know which come first... my anger or his distance.  I guess it doesn't matter... there is plenty of blame to go around.

Through this 15 years of dysfunction... we had a couple of kids, who are wonderful by the way... for being raised in a home where dad is very quiet and mom goes nuts every little bit.  Looking back I feel so bad for my anger and have really no idea where it came from.  I don't know if it came from thinking I was doing "it" all on my own... or because of blah blah blah.... I'm noticing now it just doesn't matter.

I was thinking ... wow... is this all there is??  I get to hang out with these three people for the rest of my life and for what??  None of us were ever very happy.  Kids seemed to fight all the time... mom and dad didn't fight but didn't talk either... mom yelled at kids... dad very quiet.... Really??  The only difference between this and what I grew up with was that when my dad was around, which really wasn't much... but when he was home they fought.... all the time!!  What did they fight about, you might ask......him not ever being home..AAuughhh..... don't know if I'd be that crazy about coming home if the only thing waiting for me was her complaining that I was never home.  HHhhmmmm... this gave me something to think about.

I was surfing around the net and come across Dd...I have to say I was a bit intrigued.  I'm not really sure how it came to be... I don't recon it really matters.... but I came to realize that this is exactly what we needed.  I needed to be guided down the path that I need to go... and I needed to quit fighting for control when all I really wanted was to be taken care of.  I took this to S and I think at first he was a bit taken back, but agreed because he loves me and would do anything for this thing to work.

That was about nine months ago... and my husband has taken me in hand.  I love him and I know he loves me.  My kids even know that something is different since our son commented on how happy Mom has been lately... pretty huge for a 12 year old to notice.  S is our hero.  He gets the last word... weather I like it or not.  I love him being the "boss".  I don't get very many spankings as he says that I'm really "good" and he really doesn't need to correct my behavior... I suggested that maybe I should get "maintenance spanks" to make sure I keep my mind where it needs to be.  He is ok with that but we don't have much time for said maintenance.  

Kids are going to camp Monday... will be back Friday.... I'm hoping that between those two days we get plenty of make ups made up! ;o)