OMG.... in the light of day I'm wondering what the heck I've gotten myself into!! You gotta be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!!
A couple of days ago I posted about how I didn't know if we would continue practicing spanking because I didn't think S was into it. Well... last night we went to bed... had some pretty hot intimate playtime together.. and after I was just really thinking about all the feedback that I received from all of you who commented and told me that I just need to talk to him... tell him how I feel. I have done that before... we have had several conversations.... I have sent him several emails.... and he always seemed very on board with the whole him/boss and me/not boss thing. His biggest draw back to spanking is that I don't really screw up. Not to say that I'm perfect and walk on water.... I do what I know he likes.... I try to (not always successfully) take care of business.
What I think he has a hard time understanding is that while I don't necessarily like the pain of a spanking... I love where it puts my heart and my head. I love how submissive I feel. I love feeling like Joan Cleaver (minus the pearls and lovely attire). I love that my kids can just tell that everything is right with the world. Mom is happy... everybody is happy!
I digress... anyway.... I brought up the subject yet again.... "I miss being spanked"
"I miss spanking you"
"HHmmm.... then I think we need to start again.... what did you think of the email I sent you the other day?" I sent him FindingSara Submission Exercises: What we do post that covered a multitude of things including the need to be spanked...she also linked to a post that Grant had written back in '09 A question on submission exercises Both are great posts!! I'm thankful to men like Grant and FloridaDom who are well educated men who are willing to share their experiences and help other men... and women... learn their way along the path called ttwd!!
"I read it... it made sense"
"So are you up for something like that?"
"Yeah, but what about the kids?"
"They will be asleep..." and then I told him where at the other end of the house we could go....
"Hhhmm.... that could work"
"Ok... so it's settled.... how about Monday and Thursday evenings...." I had really been thinking on this and wanted to make sure to be prepared with what would work with our schedules.... and had also realized that we needed a specific day... not just say every couple of days because that just has never worked.
"I think that will work"
"Ok... now I have to put this out there... we have gotten to this point before... you have agreed... we have made plans but it never comes to pass. So... do I need to remind you?" Yep... I went there... it had to be said! I know, from almost 17 years of marriage, that is man would do anything for me, whenever I needed him to... but I have to ask. I have to say it out loud. He is a highly intelligent man, just can't remember crap! LOL
After a moment of thought "Just say 'it's time' and I'll know" I have fought for a long time against reminding him... I have always felt that if I had to remind him that he really didn't want to do it.... that he would just be going through the motions... now he is telling me as my HOH to tell him when it is time... hhmmm I guess I should consider this my first "rule".... I guess it's all in how you look at it!!!
Wow... how cool is that! We have a plan. It just proves that we ladies can get a certain picture in our heads as to how we think ttwd should look... the part we forget is how it's gonna look in our HOH's head. We women think so much differently than our men and we forget to interject their thoughts into our pictures that we have dreamed about. Once we do that... we get what we call reality! I guess if I have to say it out loud, then that is one of those things that I have to do.
I want to take a moment to thank everyone who took time out of their day to care enough to comment and share a bit of advise! Again... my cyber family ROCKS!!!
I'll keep ya posted on our "reassurance" progress! ((hugs))
That's great Mikki :) It really all does stem from communicating doesn't it. And having to remind him is a small price to pay for what you want?
ReplyDeleteDee x
Yes... a very small price!! Who would have thunk it! ;o)
DeleteHappy you got him to see how important this is to you. Good luck on the follow through for both of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you.. I'm hoping we won't need it... but I'm sure it couldn't hurt! LOL
DeleteSO pleased for you! Hope it goes well on Monday...you have the whole weekend to be thinking about it, mmmm!!! xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you nice lady... I'm sure I'll not be able to think of much else... have a nice weekend!! ((hugs))
DeleteMikki, what a big step forward, and how brave you were! It seems your husband's wants and needs are not so different from yours after all? I think it's just great that you guys took some ideas and made them your own. In the end, it doesn't, matter what works for others, but what will work for you. Many times Grant remembers (I learned he writes it into his scheduler!), and sometimes I still do need to speak up. (As our husbands get older...ehem...ya know?) I am so very glad you've worked soemthing out and look forward to hearing how it goes! Sara
ReplyDeleteYes... as our men get older.. LOL I'm his personal secretary so it makes total sense that I would be the one to remind him of the appointment, in this case it's too bad his secretary and wife are the same person!! *giggling*
DeleteThank you for all of your level headed advise... it means so much! ((hugs))
That is such wonderful news! Hang in there! I got some great advice from another friend of ours... email me when you get a chance?? :D
ReplyDeleteYou know... it's amazing that we can learn so much from people who we have "met" here!!
DeleteI will email you soon!
Congratulations! I love that saying "If momma's happy, then everyone is happy!" It is so true.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I grew up with the phrase "if Momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy!"
DeleteTruer words never spoken!! ;o)
Mikki, I almost commented on your previous post, as I recently went through the same thing with my Ace. I felt exactly the way you did, that if I was telling Him then I am controlling it and that just wasnt working. Our situations were a bit different, and it was that subtle difference that stopped me from commenting. I've gotten to the point that I have completely given up wanting it, and actually just wanted to stop, and that was when He stepped in and took over (when I completely stepped down). My heart isnt always in the right place, even now I'm still struggling with a few things about ttwd. I guess that never changes! I'm glad you got this worked out, I've been hoping for your sake that you all would find a way to continue, like Ace and I have. Finding that way isnt always easy--- I'm glad you both have had a chance to talk about it and find something that might work. All the best! ~sugar
ReplyDeleteI think you are right... I think we all constantly struggle with issues... I think that is human nature and I think we are so lucky that we only struggle with a couple with how differently men and women think!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteTake care and thank you for caring! xx
This is great Mikki. Sometimes it is so hard to just say stuff but when they come through like this it makes it so worthwhile. Good for you for being so brave. Only three days till Monday! :)
ReplyDeleteYeah.... I'm kinda "freaking out" about it only being 3 days away!! LOL It's one of those things where your darned if you do and darned if you don't.... I'm not looking forward the spanking it's self as I don't particularly like the pain.... but I do like where my head goes.... and would be very disappointed if things weren't to go as planned.
DeleteOur poor men!!! LOL
I absolutely, completely understand. Don't like the spanking one bit but love what it does for my head and how close we feel etc etc. I'm only beginning to get my head around it myself!
DeleteMikki,
ReplyDeleteGlad you talked it over with your husband and found what will work for the both of you:)!
Love,
Kitty
P.S. Isn't it great what communication can do?
Yes... communication is wonderful... and I always thought that we communicated... we just didn't finish the conversation! LOL Hopefully this time we got it! LOL
DeleteThank goodness it's a process... don't know what we would do without second and third and forth chances! ;o)
Mikki, does the conversation ever really end? For me I'm finding the answer is no, lol. Good luck with the new plan.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness... you are so right... it never does end...it's a process, a constant string of blunders and mix ups and every so often...like the blind hog that gets the acorn every so often, we get it right for a bit. And then the conversation starts up again!
DeleteThank you for pointing that out for me, nice lady! You are so insightful!! ((hugs))
Mikki, I think it's wonderful that you had thought it through, had some ideas to offer him and were brave enough to bring it up again and to even offer to remind him. It sounds like the two of you are on the same page now and that's great! I hope it goes well! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words... I'm so lucky to have such supportive people like you in my life!!
ReplyDelete