I'm suckin'... and not the good way!

I'm a pretty level headed person... for the most part. I don't usually struggle with mood swings... bursts of anger or depression. I have more than one time in my life been accused of being jolly! People in real life generally like me.... and I generally like most of them. I know that everyone has a "thing" and that we all have issues... and that we could all use a break for what ever reason from time to time.

Given all of that, I have been sucking this weekend... not the good way. Things that don't usually bother me have been sending me over the top. Not just over the top, crazy over the top!! I'm almost thinking that I have caught Faerie's "menopause brain"

Friday S sold an asset of ours. Not anything that we needed or ever even planned on using again as we decided it was too dangerous. Someone called wanting to buy it. This is cool... everyone can always use the money... right? Well... very long, horribly long story short... we ended up selling it for half of what we bought it for... totally pissed me off. S said that there were repairs that needed to be fixed... but I get so tired of people who want what you have but tell you what a piece of crap you have... aauughhhh~~

Saturday.... the day was going ok... I was over my rant from the day before. We all went shopping and life was fairly good. S was going through the motions... trying to be involved with the living... figured out later that he didn't take his meds that morning... so was feeling a bit "off". We went home and rested... trying to enjoy the rest of the day just laying around till the evening when we had a casual church function to go to that evening. Five minutes before we were to leave, he asked if we would be ok if he didn't go.

The kids and I went ahead and went and he stayed home. It totally broke my heart and I did shed a tear but thought I would be ok... but I wasn't. I love having him near me... the weekends are huge in our lives. Family time... couple time in family time. Yes we live together but with my work... kids school... church... school functions.... not a lot of family/couple time during the week. That night I had a bit of a meltdown... he held me, I cried... he was sorry, but I didn't want him to be sorry... I wanted this day to start over so that at that point we would be making hot passionate love enjoying each other rather than where we were... him still in a medically induced haze... me feeling sorry for myself because my HOH was down and not able to guide me or was it that I was pouting because I didn't get what I wanted... who knows.

Sunday... Really?? Are you kidding me?? We had a church function after service today and I'll tell you what, I let a couple of those little old bitties get under my skin. You know the kind... the ones who sit in church, don't doing anything but back biting those of us who have to take up the slack for those same do-nothing lovelies. I know better than to let these people bother me and get under my skin... but I'm think that my defenses were down due to the rest of the weekend.

Well... for those who have continued reading, even though I'm not sure I would have... here is the funny one. At the dinner at church, S and I were sitting at a table with two couples who we are close to(but not close enough to tell our secret). These same friends and S were giving me a bad time about my attitude... when S piped up that "maybe what she needs is to be taken out behind the shed"... laughingly they all agreed.

HHmmmm..... for some reason I started feeling a bit better. Honestly... I'm thinking that I'm very anxious about Monday night... for those who don't know, we are getting back on track and I'm getting my first "reassurance" spanking Monday night. After the weekend I've had... it maybe couldn't come soon enough!

A reset may just be very much in order!

Sorry S for such a hard weekend... I love you so much!!