Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Follow through ROCKS!!

OMGoodness.... I think I have a man who is gonna be following through!!! I'm so excited about that!!

We were on our way home from town, the kids were jabbering... S was teasing them by saying that when we got home that it was time for bed. I laughing said I would go... LOL Then it dawned on me... I would use code.

I said..."I think it's time".... A couple of posts back we decided to make a plan... I would be getting reassurance spankings on Monday and Thursday nights and the plan also included that if he forgot I was to remind him by saying "it's time".  I wasn't sure at the time how I was going to be able to make myself say it without feeling totally stupid....

"I know it's time" he says in a bit of a softer voice.

I was so proud... he remembered.

I just can't believe that my head is in a place where I'm excited about my behind being spanked... sometimes I have a hard time getting my head wrapped around that concept but it's true.  I do not enjoy the spanking, per say.  It hurts and I'm not that into pain.  It's even a bit embarrassing due to the fact that the room that we use to not be found or heard by sleeping children is not our bedroom.  In our room, exposing my behind to my husband is not a new or weird thing.  But to drop my drawers and bend over in a room that is not used for that.... well I guess it's a bit humiliating,  which I guess kinda adds to the whole equation.  I had chosen a different room... a bit smaller, maybe a bit more intimate albeit not our room but IMO a bit more comfortable.  Guess when your getting a spanking comfort is not really on the list of requirements.  And since I'm not the one in charge....

I had decided that I was going to count my swats.... not out loud for him but I guess for me.  You know you gotta have some sort of measuring stick so you can compare to what others say they get.  I  know I'm a weenie and don't know that I would ever be interested in getting a caning...  but last night was my first spanking in what seems like a very long time so I wasn't looking for a very long spanking ... or one with several implements.  I got 14 swats with  his hand..... I needed my HOH to take me in hand and follow through and spank me to remind me that we are doing ttwd... and that is exactly what I got!! WWoohhoo!

He's the man... and he is my man... and I love him very much!!  I felt taken care of.  I know that spanking me and leading me does not come naturally to him.  If it were up to him he would probably like to just be in the back ground like his own dad.... but we pull him to the fore front.  When the kids naturally come to me wanting permission to do something.... I try to remember to have them ask their Dad.  It hasn't always been that way but I think he is enjoying the feeling of leading a bit more every time he is asked.  I see him growing into his leadership role every day and couldn't be more proud!!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I'm suckin'... and not the good way!

I'm a pretty level headed person... for the most part. I don't usually struggle with mood swings... bursts of anger or depression. I have more than one time in my life been accused of being jolly! People in real life generally like me.... and I generally like most of them. I know that everyone has a "thing" and that we all have issues... and that we could all use a break for what ever reason from time to time.

Given all of that, I have been sucking this weekend... not the good way. Things that don't usually bother me have been sending me over the top. Not just over the top, crazy over the top!! I'm almost thinking that I have caught Faerie's "menopause brain"

Friday S sold an asset of ours. Not anything that we needed or ever even planned on using again as we decided it was too dangerous. Someone called wanting to buy it. This is cool... everyone can always use the money... right? Well... very long, horribly long story short... we ended up selling it for half of what we bought it for... totally pissed me off. S said that there were repairs that needed to be fixed... but I get so tired of people who want what you have but tell you what a piece of crap you have... aauughhhh~~

Saturday.... the day was going ok... I was over my rant from the day before. We all went shopping and life was fairly good. S was going through the motions... trying to be involved with the living... figured out later that he didn't take his meds that morning... so was feeling a bit "off". We went home and rested... trying to enjoy the rest of the day just laying around till the evening when we had a casual church function to go to that evening. Five minutes before we were to leave, he asked if we would be ok if he didn't go.

The kids and I went ahead and went and he stayed home. It totally broke my heart and I did shed a tear but thought I would be ok... but I wasn't. I love having him near me... the weekends are huge in our lives. Family time... couple time in family time. Yes we live together but with my work... kids school... church... school functions.... not a lot of family/couple time during the week. That night I had a bit of a meltdown... he held me, I cried... he was sorry, but I didn't want him to be sorry... I wanted this day to start over so that at that point we would be making hot passionate love enjoying each other rather than where we were... him still in a medically induced haze... me feeling sorry for myself because my HOH was down and not able to guide me or was it that I was pouting because I didn't get what I wanted... who knows.

Sunday... Really?? Are you kidding me?? We had a church function after service today and I'll tell you what, I let a couple of those little old bitties get under my skin. You know the kind... the ones who sit in church, don't doing anything but back biting those of us who have to take up the slack for those same do-nothing lovelies. I know better than to let these people bother me and get under my skin... but I'm think that my defenses were down due to the rest of the weekend.

Well... for those who have continued reading, even though I'm not sure I would have... here is the funny one. At the dinner at church, S and I were sitting at a table with two couples who we are close to(but not close enough to tell our secret). These same friends and S were giving me a bad time about my attitude... when S piped up that "maybe what she needs is to be taken out behind the shed"... laughingly they all agreed.

HHmmmm..... for some reason I started feeling a bit better. Honestly... I'm thinking that I'm very anxious about Monday night... for those who don't know, we are getting back on track and I'm getting my first "reassurance" spanking Monday night. After the weekend I've had... it maybe couldn't come soon enough!

A reset may just be very much in order!

Sorry S for such a hard weekend... I love you so much!!

Friday, January 27, 2012

I think we have a plan!

OMG.... in the light of day I'm wondering what the heck I've gotten myself into!!  You gotta be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!!

A couple of days ago I posted about how I didn't know if we would continue practicing spanking because I didn't think S was into it.  Well... last night we went to bed... had some pretty hot intimate playtime together.. and after I was just really thinking about all the feedback that I received from all of you who commented and told me that I just need to talk to him... tell him how I feel.  I have done that before... we have had several conversations.... I have sent him several emails.... and he always seemed very on board with the whole him/boss and me/not boss thing.  His biggest draw back to spanking is that I don't really screw up.  Not to say that I'm perfect and walk on water.... I do what I know he likes.... I try to (not always successfully) take care of business.

What I think he has a hard time understanding is that while I don't necessarily like the pain of a spanking... I love where it puts my heart and my head.  I love how submissive I feel.  I love feeling like Joan Cleaver (minus the pearls and lovely attire).  I love that my kids can just tell that everything is right with the world.  Mom is happy... everybody is happy!

I digress... anyway.... I brought up the subject yet again.... "I miss being spanked"

"I miss spanking you"

"HHmmm.... then I think we need to start again.... what did you think of the email I sent you the other day?" I sent him FindingSara  Submission Exercises: What we do  post that covered a multitude of things including the need to be spanked...she also linked to a post that Grant had written back in '09 A question on submission exercises   Both are great posts!!  I'm thankful to men like Grant and FloridaDom who are well educated men who are willing to share their experiences and help other men... and women... learn their way along the path called ttwd!!

"I read it... it made sense"

"So are you up for something like that?"

"Yeah, but what about the kids?"

"They will be asleep..." and then I told him where at the other end of the house we could go....

"Hhhmm.... that could work"

"Ok... so it's settled.... how about Monday and Thursday evenings...." I had really been thinking on this and wanted to make sure to be prepared with what would work with our schedules.... and had also realized that we needed a specific day... not just say every couple of days because that just has never worked.

"I think that will work"

"Ok... now I have to put this out there... we have gotten to this point before... you have agreed... we have made plans but it never comes to pass.  So... do I need to remind you?"  Yep... I went there... it had to be said!  I know, from almost 17 years of marriage, that is man would do anything for me, whenever I needed him to... but I have to ask.  I have to say it out loud.  He is a highly intelligent man, just can't remember crap! LOL

After a moment of thought "Just say 'it's time' and I'll know"  I have fought for a long time against reminding him... I have always felt that if I had to remind him that he really didn't want to do it.... that he would just be going through the motions... now he is telling me as my HOH to tell him when it is time... hhmmm I guess I should consider this my first "rule".... I guess it's all in how you look at it!!!

Wow... how cool is that!  We have a plan.  It just proves that we ladies can get a certain picture in our heads as to how we think ttwd should look... the part we forget is how it's gonna look in our HOH's head.  We women think so much differently than our men and we forget to interject their thoughts into our pictures that we have dreamed about.  Once we do that... we get what we call reality!  I guess if I have to say it out loud, then that is one of those things that I have to do.

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who took time out of their day to care enough to comment and share a bit of advise!  Again... my cyber family ROCKS!!!

I'll keep ya posted on our "reassurance" progress!  ((hugs))

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Long time no see!!!!

Hey everybody!!  I can't believe that it has taken so long for me to post... life has been crazy.. so much to do so little time to post!!!  Anyway... I've missed you all terribly... I keep meaning to take a few minutes to post... but it seemed when I had a minute or two, I wasn't impressed with how things were going and didn't really want to get on here and whine.... but here I am now... I'll try to get ya'll caught up! lol

My computer did get fixed... it took some doin' buy finally she is back home where she needs to be!! ;o)  Hopefully spyware won't be a problem again!!

Our kids... Our 13yo son is still doing well... as well as teens can be! LOL  Our 8yo daughter is doing well... she is the bubbly in our family.  I have been meaning to have the "talk" with her... we have always been very open, she knows she can ask any question and I will talk to her about anything... well yesterday I was helping her after her shower (she asked, it's not required) she lifted her arms and OMGoodness, she had armpit hair!!  AAuugghhhh!!!  It just seems like 8 is a bit early for that!!!  So... I guess I'm going to get her a care package together and we are going to have a girl time date.  I'm so excited for her.... so proud of her.... but then I remember what it was like to have that monthly visit... I'm glad it's her and not me!  I just pray that I'm able to guide her to be the beautiful young woman that I just know she will be... but honestly, 8yo....she is still my baby.  I know she will always be my baby.... they both will be!!!

My S... he is doing fine.  His back is not giving him much grief which is wonderful!  He is still on sick leave from his other medical issue... which is driving him nuts.  He is stuck at home with me... not much to do but watch TV and baby our dog.  He doesn't have a hobby so this is a very tough time for him.  We were both struggling a couple of weeks ago... doing better now.  Communication is the core of any good marriage no matter if you decide to have spanking in your life or not.  Dd is definitely the way in which we believe that we need to live... but I'm thinking we probably won't  practice spanking any longer.  This makes me sad because I really want/need this, but I guess he doesn't want to.... and I guess that's that.  I wrote him an email and explained how much I wanted/needed maintenance/reassurance  spankings... that was a couple of weeks ago... I have decided that it's not worth our marriage to shove down his throat what he isn't interested in.   We still love each other... I am still submissive... and maybe someday we will get there. Life is a process...I guess I decided that if we aren't both into it then it isn't for us.  We'll figure it out... one day at a time!! ;o)

So anyway.... I guess that is all I have for today.... cept that I want to make sure that you all know that I've missed you and I'm hoping to catch up on everyone's posts!!