Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy send off.....expecting wonderfulness!!

Oh my seems like forever since I've posted... so much has happened... and so little at the same time!!

My computer... my dear sweet friend is at the computer doctor... how sad! Seems viruses are not the only thing you have to worry about picking up on the net... seems you have to worry about spyware... hhmmm.... had no idea. Seems over 2500 different thingys had attached themselves to my friend. Anyway... she is supposed to be back Tuesday so maybe I'll be able to get back into the groove of visiting with my friends out here on the net. S has graciously allowed me to use his computer and I took him up on it since I just really wanted to post an update to my friends and let you all know that I have, in fact, not fallen off the face of the earth. I have been able to do a little reading of blogs on my wonderful Nook that I got for Christmas... just not a good typing implement!

Christmas... We had a wonderful Christmas celebration with family and friends. The kids are now officially even more spoiled than they were before! ;o) We got each of the kids a Nook ereader as they both (especially 13yo) needed an inspiration to read. So far, so good!!! The boy has already read a book that was over 250 pages and I don't know if he has ever read that much his entire life... let alone in one weekend!! LOL We are continuing to pray and expect mighty things! Christmas decorations are taken down and up in the attic for another year!

My parents.... they have come and gone, with no real drama, they weren't here long enough to get any real drama going! LOL We enjoyed their company and they enjoyed the kids... got some business done... overall, a good time had by all! Exhausting but good!

S and his health are getting better on a daily basis. Doing more... getting around better... his good humor is returning as he is giving the kids a bad time on a daily basis. We still haven't gotten back into ttwd... being submissive is a bit difficult without being "guided". I would love to get back into the thought of any kind of maintenance... I know I can talk to S about this... maybe I will in a day or two... but our intimacy is well on it's way back to where it was pre surgery and pre other health issues. Baby steps! God is so good!

Well... today we are getting ready to send 2011 off with a bang.... playing board games and eating more than we need... spending time with family and friends... hoping to be able to stay up till midnight!!

Hope everyone sends off 2011 with a great time and usurers in 2012 with the people we love... Praying for all of you!! Missing all of you!!

Happy New Year, my dear friends!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Mind Full or Mindful....

What a crazy time of the year we are in right now... count down to Christmas... course in our house we have been counting down since before Thanksgiving!!  There are only 2 days separating us from Christmas Eve, and most of us get crazier and busier everyday.  Really lets be honest, we don't have to be in the throws of the Christmas season to be wearing "busy" as a badge of honor.   Are we really better off than our pets??

How often do we really mean to keep in touch with a person who is moving, life gets in the way and next thing you know it's been 5 years since you've seen or spoken to them.  Now these days, with Facebook, we can be friends, see each other online, post a little something every once in a while, but at least you can keep updated as to what is going on in their lives because of their posts.

Anyway... I saw this cartoon and it totally hit home how busy we all are at Christmas... do we really remember the "reason for the season"?  I'm so thankful that I have all the shopping done... wrapping done.. planning for guests done... not everything is but the "big" stuff is taken care of.  Once I was able to sit down for a minute, I closed my eyes for a moment and remembered what this season is all about.... Poor Mary, can you imagine riding on a donkey 9 months pregnant??  Can you imagine having your baby in a stable??  That is just a fraction of the thoughts that came to my mind.

I just want to wish you all a fabulous Christmas!!  I hope you all get everything done and are able to sit back and relax and enjoy your families... eat more than your supposed to... do a little "after Christmas shopping"... but most of all I hope that we can all take a few minutes to remember that Jesus Christ was born for us to eventually, in his short life,  die for us all!!  ((hugs))

Friday, December 16, 2011

Happy Friday!!

When you just can't get anybody to help you out!  *giggling*

Hope everybody has a great weekend!!

Monday, December 12, 2011

That's Billy Joel

Driving down the road, listening to the radio, S says "That's Billy Joel"

"No it's not"

"Yes it is..."

"No... no it's not..."

"Yes it is!"

"No... I don't think so"

"Yes it is.... and you shouldn't argue something unless your for sure about what your arguing about!"

"Yeah, I know... and I know it's Billy Joel"

"Finally, you believe me..."

"I already knew who it was.. I just felt like arguing... don't you ever feel like just arguing?"

I looked at him... he looked at me... he grinned and nodded.... "Yeah, I guess sometimes I do"

I wasn't having a great day... the kids were bickering and I wanted to leave them home while I ran to the grocery store but S wanted to get out of the house too.  Plus he wanted to help because he knew it was going to be a fairly big load.  Truth be known, in hindsight, I was glad to have all three of them.  But I really could have used a little alone time but it ended up being a very positive food trip.

This evening we went caroling to a couple of nursing homes with our church.  If that doesn't warm your heart and get you into the "Reason for the Season" mood, nothing will.  Singing to those appreciative faces makes me melt and forget stress of the day.  Hearing the songs that remind us of the reason we celebrate.  My kids were standing near me, listening to them sing melted my heart, realizing that we are making memories... making traditions.... hoping that they will teach their children these same traditions.

I am now ready for Christmas.  I've been doing all the Christmas stuff that I have needed to do, but now my heart is ready.  Ready to enjoy the family.... the friends.... the crazy schedule that we put ourselves on.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


It is so hard being in the same room with other and feeling a bit alone.  It's kinda been that way here lately.  I'm not really sure why, but it has been.  I think I know why and it all makes sense... but just because you know why, doesn't make it any easier.  S has been hanging out at home these days... in his purgatory... not really doing anything.  Resting... watching TV...being restless...  On the upside he is definitely getting plenty of rest after the surgery... not getting a chance to reinjure himself so that is wonderful.  He has a tendency to try to over due it but in this place he is right now, there is no chance in that for a while.

So even though we have been spending all our time together, we may have been drifting a bit.  Not that we don't love each other, but absence really does make the heart grow fonder!  It seems to me that the stress of having him around 24/7 may be as stressful as when they are gone for days!  At least that's how it looks from this point of view!! ;o)

Things have been pretty quite in our room... I didn't want to hurt him, I've been trying to be patient but sometimes that translates into quietness and disconnectedness.  I don't like feeling this way... but I don't want to make him feel bad for not being.. well... you know, interested healed up.  He makes me feel very loved, but you know when you are so used to doing the horizontal limbo nearly every night and all of a sudden NUTHIN'...notta....  Ok, I'm being unfair...I may be exaggerating, but I have been missing the whole package!  We were loving... intimate... together... but it just hasn't been the same, till last night!!!

WWWooo HHHoooo!!


God I love my man! :o)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Life really is good

I have really had a hard time putting fingers to keyboard lately... I really don't know what to say.  I don't know if I want to comment on my last post... or if I just want to go on, then I don't really know where to "go on" to.  I don't know if I'm stuck or if maybe I really am meant to comment and close the book on this last post.

Well... if you haven't read my last post, my 13yo was punished for kicking a big dent into the side of our garage. It was out of anger, and he had been struggling with his grades, and honestly seemed to be reeling out of control.  S and I decided that since we had tried everything else and to no avail, he needed to be punished.  It was completely out of love and concern and have actually never done such a thing since when he was much smaller.

Anyway... when I posted it, I noted that negative feedback was not appreciated that this was my blog and that if you wanted to blog, as my friend Stormy once said, go get your own!!  I was so raw... the feelings were so new, I was hurting from so many directions.  Not only were we struggling with "the boy" but we are also struggling with my husbands health and a few other things.  My head was spinning in so many directions and my heart had been crushed.

I want to thank those of you who supported me by posting such supportive comments.  There are those of us who do believe in corporal punishment, as a matter of fact, the public school that our kids go to practices corporal punishment.  I know that not all of us who follow Dd also believe in in for our children, but there are some of us who do.  We don't practice it because it's fun, nor do we just go around thrashing our children over small incidentals or first time offences.  Serious time and prayer are put into such a decision.

For those of you who supported me as a friend by not posting... I appreciate you as well.  I think sometimes we can agree to disagree and that is one of the wonderful dynamics of friendship.  You could see that I was hurting, struggling and knew that not only would negative feedback not only be unhelpful, but possibly even detrimental.

I want to update where we are in our little part of the world.  S is still struggling a bit with his health issues but is actually more sad about the "purgatory" that that he is stuck in because of it... all will be fine eventually, we just have to hold on and enjoy the ride.

The Boy... oh what a good boy he really is.  He really is a very smart child, just very lazy.  The couple of swats that he received sort of "reset" his brain and he has done a complete 180!  No, we don't expect it to last forever without helping him to keep his nose to the grindstone.  He has a way clearer picture of what we expect and we have a way clearer picture of what he needs to do and what we can do to help support him in his efforts.  We are very proud of him, but know he is only 13 and try not to expect more than that.  I do subscribe to the notion that "if you don't expect, you won't get" when it comes to raising children... so we need to find a happy medium where we don't expect too much but we keep on pushing to help him in his endeavors.

HHmmm..... well.... we are pretty vanilla these days so not a lot to report on that front.  Life can be good even if not every part if perfect!

Again... I want to thank all of you for your support in my family's struggle last week.  Had my head been on straight I wouldn't have probably posted that entry as I know it's such a controversial subject and unfortunately I wasn't up for a heated debate.  A big thank you to all of you who were so kind... and to those of you who just had to show your ignorance and tell me what a piece of abusive crap I am as a parent... well, you might notice they didn't get posted... that is the wonderful part of having your own blog... no one here to enforce the free speech amendment... I have my own little dictatorship here...

Life really is good!!  ((hugs))

Friday, December 2, 2011

Follow through....

There has to be consequences to our actions, I think everyone who subscribes to this lifestyle agrees with that. I also think that they need to be consequences that deter us from doing what we are being punished for.  Our son was punished last night.  You see, I didn't tell you the rest of the story from my last post, so I guess this should be titled part 2....but if you didn't read it, I think this can probably stand on it's own.

So I told you about the bad grade notice, I told you about my head nearly popping off my shoulders when I found out that he could correct his tests and didn't "need" to.. but I didn't tell you what happened after that.  Well... part of my head nearly popping off was a lot of yelling... a lot of hurt feelings...  Boy was sent outside for something and when doing that kicked a nice big dent in our metal garage about waist high.  I still don't know if he meant to do damage or if he didn't realize that it would cave like it did... but damage was done.  S says he can bend it back out... but I'm not stupid, it will never be the same.  It left a mark for us to remember every time we go to the garage.

Neither S nor I ever break things in anger... we don't hit things... we don't do that, we just don't.  I am sure he was trying something new to see how it would work for him, and we needed to make sure that it didn't work for him.  We needed to make sure that the last thing that he would do in the future when he gets angry is hit or kick something!  We explained to him the night that he did it that the following night he would be punished.  It was late and we had no energy to put into this, not the way it needed.  I'm not going into his punishment here, I know there are people out there ready to pounce on people who discipline their children and I'm not getting into any pissing contests.

We told him the night before for a few different reasons... one of them to get his head wrapped around the idea... one of the others was to for him to be bugged about it.  One of the worst parts of being punished is knowing its coming!

Last night came, S and I were very unsettled by the whole thing... we were very sad that our son had brought us to this point.  The punishment wasn't the unsettling part, it was that fact that we were here and we had never been "here" before... we had a job to do... and we needed to follow through.  It sucked to know that I had to punish my son who I love so much!  We talked first... we talked about anger and ways to work out anger besides hitting something.  We talked about domestic violence and how we are concerned for his future family if he thinks that hitting and kicking is a way to express anger and frustration.  We talked about taking responsibility... owning our own junk... it was pretty much me talking, Boy "listening" and S pacing.

Enough said... Boy had nothing to say... S sent him to his room, followed him in... punished him.  I know it was so hard for S to do, he wasn't angry but maybe a bit sad.  He would give his life for that boy, but he knew he had to make sure the boy knew that his actions were unacceptable.  The Boy played it hard... tried playing us against each other.  We were a united front, a couple of years ago we could never have been so strong... we would have never have known how important follow through really is.

I love my family... each and every one of them are so precious to me.  I do so love our children even if they do have a tendency to drive me crazy.  I so appreciate S for his roll as the head of our home, he does such a good job.  I now have a new understanding of his roll in our home and how hard it must be to punish me when I am out of line... and why he tries so hard to guide me away from problems so that he doesn't have to punish me.  He loves me... he loves all of us... and it hurts his heart to punish any of us... but I know he only does it because he loves us and wants only the best for the family.

This whole situation puts a whole new light on Dd.  It makes me realize just how hard it is for the HOH.  Sometimes its tempting to "brat" to get that spanking that we think we want when in reality our guys just want to have a wonderful Utopia where we all act the way we are supposed to without the threat of a punishment at all.  It gives me that much more incentive to be submissive to my husband, even when he doesn't act like I think a disciplinarian  should act.

All this said, that doesn't mean I won't ask respectfully for a spanking that I think I might need... a reset or even admit that I need a punishment.  I know he will oblige me... he always has.... that's his job, to make sure that his family is taken care of and if one comes to him needing help, he will go out of his way to help.

Besides, there are most generally fringe benefits to punishing me.  **wink**

 P.S. To whom it may concern... there were no teenagers marked or maimed in the writing of this blog!!

Thursday, December 1, 2011


Wow... what a week!!  Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!  Our family, most of it anyway, got together and enjoyed plenty of food... and enjoyed each other.  There were no arguments... no muss... no fuss, but then the drama addicts didn't come.  We had a beautiful time!!

AAaaahhhh.... and then back to reality.  Why do we have kids again??  I think I have had a headache all week.  We are attempting to emphasize to our 13yo boy how important grades are... he got an F notice before Thanksgiving break and so of course, being the crappy parents that we are, he has been grounded from anything that brings him pleasure since.  So, of course, we have had attitude for most of it.  Monday I emailed the teacher who is failing my son, because you know it's not his fault, it's the teachers fault.  My head is pounding from what I found out.  I found out that when these kids take a test the teacher corrects it... the student is then given the test back, then the student is allowed to correct the test for half credit.... how cool is that???  Guess what... my kid doesn't do that... says he doesn't need to since (on this particular test that we are talking about) he got a B+ and didn't need the extra points... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????... ok, I'm calming down...

When did my boy become entitled??  While we were looking over the ads for Black Friday, boy announced that he wants a Nintendo 3DS for Christmas... and he actually said "it's only $175"  Really??  My child who is failing a class and getting C's in the rest needs a video game???

Enough of my ranting... with all this going on, I was on Face Book for a couple of winding down moments and saw the following... I can't take credit for writing it.... but I completely agree!!!!

Hope you all have a great day!!!  It's good to be back!  I've missed you all!!  (((hugs)))

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill.... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of FORTY, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent.... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'... Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Life is fixin' to get crazy... travel... family... shopping.... you know the deal.  It's Thanksgiving!!  We are gonna eat too much... play more... shop till we drop... hug the necks of family that we don't see near enough.. eat some more...we are gonna have a good time!!

This will probably be my last post till next week, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell my Cyber family (you) how much I appreciate all of you!!!  I have really been struggling lately with all of this wonderfulness they call LIFE and you are always there with a smile, a word or two of encouragement and a hug or five!!  I just wanted to tell you all how very much if makes my day to know that you care!!  We are all in this together and when we are struggling, it's so nice to know that there are people out there that care!!

I am thankful for all the wonderful things in my life that God has seen fit to bless me with...Even my grounded 13yo!!*giggling*  I love my babies so much... I love my S who is looking better and better every day!!  I have a roof over my head, good food in my belly, clothes on my back, and love in my heart.... Does life get any better than that???  Ok, so I wouldn't be opposed to someone giving me like a million dollars or something!! LOL

Anyway... I know that not all of my Cyber Family celebrates Thanksgiving... but I think we all need to take a minute or three to just be thankful for our blessings!!  I'm thankful for all of you!!! (((((((hugs))))))))

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Just keepin' on keepin' on

Yes... I'm still here!  We are still here...

An update on S's health.... he is doing fine... recuperating nicely.  The incision is healing great and he is slowly but surely getting his full range of motion back.  He probably won't ever be 100%  but he'll get close!  We make sure he doesn't over due and try to walk him regularly.  That wasn't his only health issue that we have to deal with.  Now he is finishing up on his other issue... and electrical issue of sorts.  It's a waiting game.... I'm hoping we win, but waiting is so frustrating... the questions.. the wondering why.... I don't like waiting games.  I'm not good at them... and nobody likes to suck at a game!

We are traveling for Thanksgiving and I'm sure that will be fun.  A nice distraction.  Family.. good food.... lots of laughing... Black Friday(or is it Brown Thursday now that some of the stores are starting on Thanksgiving Evening??)  No time to be sad... or frustrated or anything like that.  It's a time to be thankful what what we have!  We have our health... our kids...our home... job... family... friends...we live in a country that offers us freedoms that not everyone has!  I have so much to be thankful for!!

Still I'm a bit melancholy... maybe a bit sad.  I had a dream last night that S died.  One of those dreams that seem so real that your relieved to wake up.  In this dream, he died but somehow was "there" and was helping to make the arrangements... comforting me... It was really weird.  At the end, I had to tell him to get into the casket because he didn't really "get" that he had to leave.  Dreams are so weird.

We are working toward getting back to "normal"... what ever that might be.  We'll see.  It's very hard being submissive to someone who doesn't demand it.  I would, I have to admit, like him to be a bit more aggressive when it comes to Dd, I would like to have to answer to him, but he doesn't seem to feel the need to be answered to.  It's been almost 2 weeks... I'm sure he will get back into the Dd mode, but I have decided that I'm not going to ask for it... prod him about it.  I'm going to be his loving submissive wife.. doing  for him what he needs to heal and wait.  Wait for him to remember what he needs to do... where he needs to stand. He'll get it all figured out in his head... we'll talk... we'll love.

Maybe he'll read my blog... that would just be way easier!! I haven't posted much lately, so I may need to suggest he read here... I don't know, we'll see....

Friday, November 18, 2011

How sweet is this...


I was feeling a bit down... probably feeling a bit sorry for myself as I'm frustrated about a few things going on here and there and yonder.... I haven't posted since Sunday because I either don't have time or I just don't have anything positive to say, and you know what they say about saying something nice!! ;)

Then I loged on for a minute to check my comments... to read a few blogs and there it was.  Ms kitty over at commented and told me that she had given me the Versatile Blogger Award.  Now at the time I had never heard of such a thing, but I knew it was sent by God because it made me smile and made me feel better than I had in a bit.  It is so nice when you know that you actually "belong"... and I have to say how much I appreciate Kitty and all my new found friends in this community that we have!!  Well, if I understand it correctly, this is a great way to share blogs that others might not know about.

Here are the rules:

1.  Thank the award giver and link back to them on your post.
2.  Share 7 things about yourself.
3.  Pass this award along to 15 blogs you enjoy reading.
4.  Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award. we go...

1.  Kitty.... thank you so much for my award... your so sweet and I do have to say, your blog is so hot!

2.  HHmmm... 7 things about me....
      1.  I'm usually done with my Christmas shopping by now but this year I have only barely started.
      2.  I'm known for miles for my brownies.
      3.  I love Mexican food... should have been born south of the boarder! ;)
      4.  I freakishly hate spiders...**shivers**
      5.  I love yard sales!!
      6.  I can't tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue like my friend kitty... but I can stick out my tongue at S when his head is turned! *giggling*
      7.  I love snuggling up in bed, sleeping late on Saturday morning... it doesn't happen often so I treasure it when it happens!!

Wow... that was hard... it's so hard coming up with 7 things about yourself and still keep your precious anonymity!!  ;o)

3. Ok... here are 15 blogs that I love to read...  I follow a lot more than that and enjoy all of them.... but here are 15 in no particular order!

      1.  Sara at  She is so wise... and entertaining! Love your blog!
      2.  Mick at  Its so nice to hear how a loving HOH thinks! Thanks!
      3.  Christina at  You just never fail to tickle me!!
      4.  Dee over at I'm so enjoying getting to know you!!
      5.  Stormy at  Your writing moves so many... thank you!
      6   Sky at   Your  sweet comments always make me smile!
      7.  PK at  I'm so jealous of your empty nest syndrome!!
      8.  Susie at  Your thoughts on Dd are spot on!  ;o)
      9.  Lil over at You make me look at things differently... thanks!
    10.  Daisychain at  I can now say I have friends world wide! ;o)
    11.  Rouge at  Honey, you are always such a blessing!
    12.  Grace at  I just love following your blog!
    13.  Faerie at I absolutely love your writing!
    14.  ComposingUs at I love your blog.. welcome to the community!
    15.  Kay at You always have such encouraging comments

I so enjoy all the blogs that I follow!!  I know from my own point of view that we pour our souls out for others to read... we share... we laugh... we cry... and we just want someone to understand!!  We have such a wonderful community here... I'm so thankful to have everyone in our community in my life!!  ((hugs))


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Just checkin'' in...

I just thought I'd check in with my dear cyber family...

My parents have been here since early Tuesday... it's been a bit rough.  My mom tries really hard to be respectful of boundaries... she really does try hard to help.  Dad on the other hand drives me crazy.  He is ... well.. never mind.  I love him but sometimes he's just not very nice.

S had his surgery Thursday and is doing quite well.  He no longer has the symptoms that brought him to surgery, now he has to nurse his incision.  I am working at keeping him on pain meds regularly... I think that a person who isn't  in pain heals faster... that's what I'm going for!!  I just know that a well medicated man is way less grumpy! LOL

It's been a long hard weekend... even though we haven't really done anything... just healing the injured... cooking for the crew... laundry as needed... a little shopping to walk my ole man.  The weather has been blustery but warm, it's so nice to have to doors open and let the kids play... running in and out... putting laughter in a room where there was none prior to their entering.   Mom and I have enjoyed visiting... S kinda gimps in and out of different rooms trying to find comfort and feel included in life.  Bless his heart... he is getting better... slowly but surly!!

Yesterday we were at the farm and home store... walking the man... just browsing at guy stuff.  I got a few steps ahead of him and all of a sudden...WHAP... a sting on my behind sent wonderful shivers up my spine... I turned around and there stands my S holding a riding crop, with a huge grin on his face.  To add to the story... he was standing next to my mom!!   He had a very ornery smile on his face.... one I haven't had the privilege of seeing for quite some time.  Made me giddy!!

Anyway... I gotta go.... the crew is coming and the few minutes of down time is gone.  Pray for continued healing for S... Parents are leaving tomorrow, back to work, kids back to school... I'm ready for things to get back to normal... 

I've missed you all!!!xxx

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Happy Love Our Lurkers Day!!!!!!

This is my first Love Our Lurkers post.  Every November 10 is the day we celebrate all of the people who come onto our pages and read our posts.... we love you!!  We know you are there... no, we can't see you (yet) but most of us have counters on our blogs... and we know you are there!!  I know because at this writing I have like 42 followers... I've posted like 40 posts... and in the last 4+ months that I've been posting, I've gotten over 12,000 hits on my little page on the Internet!!  Woo Hoo!!  I would have never thought that I could have ever gotten anybody to read my words... and it just amazes me that all of you have read it.... All I can say is

           Thank you all!!! (((((HUGS)))))

Now... I'd like to speak to my lurkers... I would never ever compel anyone who doesn't want to comment on my page to do so... but we bloggers really do love comments... the nice ones, the respectful ones!!  I don't even expect everyone to agree with me in everything I have to say.. just be respectful.. ok... but I have to say that I REALLY like the nice ones!! LOL

I'm still waiting for one lurker in particular to post here... he is very sexy... is wonderful at EVERYTHING he does and I am very much in love with him... I'm hoping he knows who I'm talking about.

            Happy Love our Lurkers Day xxxx

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I think I'm gonna get lucky tonight! ;o)

Oh, it seems like it's been so long!!  We used to go a month or so without being intimate... since ttwd, we have been together nearly every night..... till last week.  S has been hurting, I not unsympathetic to his plight.  I haven't bugged him... I've even taken it upon myself to take care of business when need be with our friend Buzzy.

It's just not the same.  Oh sure, orgasms are a wonderful thing, and we all need them... but it's the intimacy that I'm craving.  His touch... his breath on my skin... the smell of his body... his manhood...

He is so close to being fixed that it's driving him crazy... I totally get that.

Today has been a good day considering that that we have been cleaning house like a mad dog getting ready for my parents.  They will be here early this week... not really sure when they will go home... but you know... you gotta clean house before the parents come... gotta make 'em proud!  Gotta make it sparkle!  Trying to get things in a way that they won't have to do anything but love our kids.

Anyway... we have had a great weekend even though we've been working... S has been gently helping... guiding... making sure to be there just in case my head starts popping off... screaming has been a past down fall of mine when these children of mine should be doing what they are told to do.  He guided all of us... and did a great job.

I'm off to take a well deserved shower... clean myself up... he already has.  I have high hopes for tonight... he seems to be feeling pretty good... crossing fingers... praying....

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

The Good... S it gonna be fixed next week!!  Glory Be!!  I'm so excited I'm a bout to jump out of my skin... I really try not to complain about his health issues because I know it's one of those things that it hurts him more than it does me.  So... late next week we are gonna have him "fixed" and hopefully this is the last time that this awful problem rears it's nasty face!!

More good is that my parents are going to come stay with the kids so I don't have to worry a lick about their physical welfare... now the emotional welfare... that might be another story, but alas I survived 19 years, surely they can stomach a couple of days while out of town "fixing" their dad!!  I explained to the 12yo that we are a team and that we are all gonna pull together because we have a team member who is down and we all have to take up the slack... it wasn't well received, or at least I didn't get the reaction that I was hoping for. My parents are all about what I lovingly refer to as "Life Lessons".  They haven't figured out yet that grands are to be played with and enjoyed.  They seem to see them as their own, to be constantly held accountable for every transgretion, no matter how slight... to learn from them.  They never have learned to pick their battles as they pick every battle.  The up side is that they love my babies very much and their physical needs will be well taken care of!

The Bad...  I want it done today.... not tomorrow... not next week... TODAY.    So the surgery is going to be late next week, recovery time is going to be a couple of weeks and then S will have to just be gentle with affected area.  He, also, is not looking forward to his in laws visiting due to what it does to his submissive wife.  When they come to town, she leaves, and is replaced by some alien chick that acts like a very short tempered 5yo.  S is also very stressed about this procedure... since his ever so submissive wife takes care of his every need, he isn't used to stressing... Bless his little heart!

The Ugly... the fact that I can get pretty ugly before, during and after my parents and my family get together.  It stresses me out and it oozes out every pore.  I think before they get here I'm going to have to ask for a couple of swats to keep me inline.   My parents treat me as though I am 5yo.  I think they have a hard time getting their heads wrapped around the fact that I'm over 40, am raising 2 great kids, own my own business, have been married for over 16 years and am getting ready to start college again... course I guess I would have a hard time remembering all of that sometimes too... when a person is treated like they are five, a person tends to act as such... S is going to try to keep me in line!!

The ugly truth... I need a spanking..... I need a fixed husband, and I want to enjoy the company of my parents... the other ugly truth is that company and fish both start stinking after about 3 days!! *giggling*


Sunday, October 30, 2011

I have a new lurker

I recently noticed I have a lurker reading my post...

He's not a guy that would have been noticed on your site unless he would have posted, I know, none of them are noticed unless they post! LOL

I think he has been hanging around here more than we know...

I was really surprised to see he had been here,

He has always made fun of me for blogging...

I have sent him invitations.... after invitation... but no bites.

I wish he would post something, if for no other reason than sometimes to just say hi...

To just say "I'm here.... watching you..."

To say "I'm interested in what your writing... "

It very much excites me to know he is watching me... reading what I'm writing without telling me he's here...

I like that he is interested in what is going on in my head, he is interested in everything else in me... ;o)

I happened to walk into the room this afternoon... totally unexpected ... he was getting up out of his chair, with my blog on his laptop... I saw it... I was instantly the happiest little blogger in the whole wide world!!!

I don't know why S doesn't want me to know he is reading my blog, and I don't know how much of it he has read, but I'm very happy he has arrived!!

So, S, if your reading this.... will you please "Join" my blog??  We don't have to talk about it... I just think it would be cool if you would... I love you...

To the sexiest lurker ever!!! **kisses**

Friday, October 28, 2011

It's putting a Kink in my Kink!

We aren't spring chickens... we are in our early to mid 40's.  40's is not really that old.  Well it might be, if your not there yet... but if you are older than that you might think that it's not old at all.  It is if you feel old.  It's not me, I'm fine... maybe a bit overweight, but I'm feeling great!  It's S.. he is feeling and looking pretty old these days!  He has had surgery in the past, and is in need of surgery again, he has so much pain... and it's getting worse.  It started out that he was kinda gimping around... not able to do stuff that he was able to do, now he's an old man that just doesn't have the same spring in his step that he used to.

Now it's effecting our bedroom.   Without going into much detail... I will say that since we have started ttwd, we have been intimate nearly every night... there have been like 3 nights that we hadn't, but I'm serious... we have been little bunnies.  I will also say that not every night did we hang from the chandelier...but intimate unlike we ever were before Dd.  Back in the day we were getting with it if we were intimate 2or3 times a  month!!  Not kidding!  TTWD has effected us that much.. neither of us want to see this leave our life!  We are both very happy with our "new" relationship.

His health issue is putting a kink in our kink!  I'm very understanding, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it!  I miss my husband.  He is good for like every other day.  Last night was not one of the good nights.  I do have self control... I have zero intention of leaving the wonderful man that I have because every other night he has to roll over and go to sleep. Till death do us part!    If we never had sex again, I would still love him... you don't have to have sex to have passion and intimacy.  It just scares me... I am horrified that we will go back to 2 or 3 times a month.

One of our dear friends kiwigirliegirl has been struggling this week.  TTWD isn't working the way she would like for it to work.  I think we all have been there a time or two.  When our HOH isn't as consistent as we think they should be.  When we really think they needs to come down on us for messing up and it ends up just another day.  It can be very frustrating!!  You might even get hurt feeling, feeling neglected, feeling like your are forcing ttwd down their throats.  I know I feel like that sometimes!

So the question comes to mind.... how does a girl stay submissive when her man is down? Or not home, as I know there are a few of you who's hubby travels quite a bit.  I know S doesn't feel like spanking me, it hurts to move.  I can't ask him to spank me, not even on one of the good days.  I don't think I would turn it down should he tell me to bend over... but it's not looking good for a while.

I think that in order to get my head wrapped around this whole submissive thing... I need to define submission. According to Wikipedia, Submission is the acknowledgment of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior .  So, according to that, just by saying he is my HOH, acting submissive, being submissive.... makes him the HOH.  It doesn't say in there that he has to spank me for him to have power over me... it is merely my consenting to him being my leader makes him my leader... and I will follow.  Whether he has the physical power to spank me or not.  

I have to say that this has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past also.  I don't necessarily like being spanked (ok, admittedly the occasional erotic type is wonderful) and so I have struggled how to be submissive and not be spanked.  I really struggled with this whole thing till he couldn't spank me.  I'm not any less respectful... I don't not do what is expected of me because I don't have the looming punishment over my head.  When he was physically able to spank I needed him to be consistent and spank when I was out of line.  Now that he is unable to spank... I'm not disrespectful, mouthy, blah, blah... any of the other things that I have gotten spanked for in the past.

So does this mean that I don't really need the spankings, that I really do know how to act??  I don't may mean that I have matured and have learned how to act.. it may mean that I like being spanked and didn't really know it!! LOL

I love him... will follow him to the ends of the earth.... and do what ever he needs me to do....but I also know that his kink is putting a kink in our kink.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Surprise Maintenance Spanking

"The kids are down at the neighbors for a while..."

"Oh... ok...." not really thinking much of it.... having just put the groceries away... piddling a bit.

"It's time for your maintenance spanking...don't you think..." guiding me to our bedroom.

"Oh, well, yeah, ok, I guess... yeah, uhmm...yeah, we could do that" Like I had a choice... by the time I gave him 'permission' to do what he was going to do whether I wanted him to or not, I was entering our bedroom... being guided to our bed... bent over his side of our bed.  I bared my behind to him... buried my face in our bed.  I could smell his cologne... the sun had been beaming on that spot, it was so warm... smelled so good.

Whack... whack... whack... no nice warm up... I finally remembered to count my swats.  Not out loud, just counted them to get some sort of idea as to what I can take, compared to some of the ones I read about here.  He spanked me with his hand... I love being spanked with his hand, but I know it can hurt and I don't want it to hurt his hand.  I think he did this because he knows I like it that way.. that I hate implements.  I don't want it to hurt him, not only because I don't want him to hurt, but I also don't want it to keep him from wanting to keep doing ttwd.

I got 12... wow... done in less than like 30 seconds.  I just laid there... breathing hard... he rubbed my heated behind and asked "So, is that enough for you to remember who is who" 

"Wow... yeah.... that was enough..."  I got up, turned around and put my arms around his neck and hugged him... he is my hero.  "Thank you so much... that was just what I needed... I'll remember... I love you"

"Good... I love you too"  He hugged me back... nice and tight.   Usually after a spanking it goes directly into a very hot session that husbands and wives are supposed to enjoy.  Today that is going to be delayed by the fact that the kids could come home, literally, at any moment.  I think we were both ok with that.

I love this man.  He is not a perfect man, but he isn't married to a perfect woman.  He isn't as consistent as I probably would have wanted him to when we first started ttwd, but for now, what happens happens.  The private time that we have because of our kids is ok... we wouldn't have it any other way.  If we had way more private time right now that would mean that our kids wouldn't be around, and that isn't what either of us want right now.  There is a time and a place for everything... and the time right now is to raise our kids.  We love the time we get...and cherish it.  I think that is fine for now.

God is so good.  He gave me this man... he gave me our kids... he gives me each day.  I am thankful for every blessing that is bestowed on me and my family.

I couldn't have painted a lovelier life right now if I had done it myself!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Thank you for being my Cyber Family!!

This week has been such a hard week in Blogland!!  Stormy is such a gifted writer... we all care so much about what happens with her and her family!  We all care so much for her and the tough time that they are having it has given me writers block... no, it's not her fault that I don't know what to write about... I have just been so caught up in the feelings and the emotions that go with having a blog.

We lay our thoughts, feeling and opinions out on the line for people to either comment on kindly or be stomped on.  I've only had a couple of freaks comment on my posts and so I just deleted them.  Those are not the posts I want to address.  I want to address all of the wonderful people who follow and comment on my blog!

I want to say thank you to all of you wonderful people who make me feel understood.  So many times in ttwd its hard to find people in real life  that we can talk to about the things we struggle with.  How hard would it be to talk to my mom ( who is a dear friend who I share most everything with)  that S isn't consistently spanking like I think he should.  She would have a fit!!!  My best friend if she knew that I consider S the boss and his hand always wins.  She may have me committed!!

You dear ladies... yes, there are a few men... are my extended family, weather you want to be or not!! LOL You are the people who I can spill my guts to... tell my most intimate thoughts to... cry on your shoulder and celebrate in wonderful break throughs!!  You don't care where I live, what I do, who I know or anything... you read what I write... you feel it... you still care for me... I care for you because of it!  Better in some ways than real life family.  I'm not talking about our kids and our husbands... I'm talking about the other family members that we have who are so judgmental

Now don't get me wrong... I love my family... all of them... but there is a difference between love and like.  I have a sister who fights with everyone.  If it were just me, I'd look deep and think maybe it is me.  She can't get along with my other siblings... our parents... extended family members are not out of her venomous reach.  She is even in her early 40's and she is on her 4th marriage.  She is not easy to get along with.  We all have people in our lives like her... I'm sad to say.

Then there are my dear friends here in Blogland.  You are so compassionate... kind... caring...thoughtful.  Full of advice... things to consider... reaffirmations... you are all so good to me.  I know we all care about each other... a bunch of friends sitting around, drinking coffee.. chatting about ttwd... learning about the best way to submit to our HOH.... and all the other wonderful things there are to know about DD.  Less than a year ago we started our journey down this road and I have learned so much from all of you!  It would have taken a lifetime to learn everything that I have learned from you dear friends in this short time.

With all the emotions floating around here these days... helping our friends with their struggles... and I just want to say thank you for all the help you have given me... in my struggles with ttwd... in all the confusion... I know where to go when I need to get an honest heartfelt answer.

Thank you for being my Cyber Family!  You all rock!!! **huge hugs**

Sunday, October 16, 2011

How long is too long??

Ok... I'm the last person to get onto anyone for forgetting something.  When I had my babies, it seems that they have sucked my memory right out of my body.  Serious.. I don't seem to remember anything anymore.  I have to have a list.  My lists have lists.  My son can't remember anything either so my daughter must have taken the whole damn thing!!  I tell him... do it when you are told to do it, if you don't, you'll forget... then you'll find yourself in trouble.  Does he listen?  He's in trouble a lot for forgetting.  I don't know who I'm more irritated with, him not doing what he is supposed to do or me for giving him the gene that causes all my irritation.

Well, not all my irritation.  I didn't give birth to S... and he doesn't seem to have much of a memory either.  Last Thursday I emailed him, told him that I had gained, blah, blah... was asking for his help in making sure it didn't happen again.  Told him I wrote him an email.  Asked if he read it...nope.. I'll read it tomorrow... tomorrow finally happened today, and its only Sunday. HHmmm....  I'm not impressed.

No, I'm not mad, my feelings have already run the gambit.  Happy, mad, sad, glad, irritated... blah, blah....

 I had a fit this weekend.  It was actually one of my first major fits since we started ttwd.  Not bad if I do say so myself... been doing ttwd for nearly a year.  The fit was over my thinking he should have looked into a good deal on merchandise that would have saved us a chunk of change.  I knew it would go fast and I told him of it and he wasn't interested in even looking at it.. with no reason.  I work really hard myself, not only on the job but also as the House Manager, making every penny spread as far as a nickle, and he decides that it's not important to save this considerable amount of money... this was Thursday.  Saturday I had a meltdown.. just wanted to know why... it really isn't my business since I know he is the HOH... and I know I am to answer to him...

It's so much easier to be submissive when things are going my way!

Well.... it seems that S has finally read my email.  He meant to spank me this afternoon but the kids were around.  I think he has a paddle in his hand right now watching his show... waiting for me to be done... and his show to be over.  HHmmm... a smart girl would keep typing forever. LOL

I told him he couldn't spank me now for my gain... it's too late.  We didn't discuss it... he wasn't interested.

I also told him that when you forget a spanking or forget to read an email, that it translates to me that you forgot about me... he says he could never forget about me.... hhmmm

So how late is too late... how long is too long...

Friday, October 14, 2011

Update on last night's spanking...

"Are you reading your email?" It took all the power I had in myself to ask him.

"Yeah, " nothing more said

"Oh, ok... good" Dang... there's no looking back now... I thought about going to his email and deleting my message to him.

The rest of the evening was quiet... I tucked the kids in... had a nice quiet evening of watching TV and reading blogs... waiting for S to take me to the other room to spank as I had requested.

9:30pm came... a half hour or so earlier than usual...I couldn't take it any longer... I was ready for this spanking to be done and over.

"I'm ready to head to bed... how about you?" After taking a deep breath... ready for the worst.

"Oh, ok... I'm good with that" 

Disappointed... relieved... angry... elated... neglected.... forgiven.... all these went through my head in the few minutes that it took me to shut everything off and lock the doors.  We went to bed... I didn't know if I wanted to make love... but it wasn't my call.. and I'm ok with that.  I had been angry earlier in the day at S.  This very rarely happens.  He asked me if I was mad at him and I lied... said no, I wan't mad.  I decided to take out all my frustration out on him... we made mad, passionate love, he definitely knows how to bring me back to where I need to be.

Laying there, hot and sweaty... holding each other... I knew what I had to do.

"I lied to you today"  No words harder to say...

"What??  When?  Why?"...

"I'm sorry...earlier today when you asked me if I was mad at you... I said no... I really was."

"Oh..." silence.

"I'm not telling you this so that you fix what I was mad at... I don't want to tell you what to do.... that's not why I am telling you.  I'm telling you because I don't want to have a lie between us.  I'm sorry... I love you".. wincing... not knowing what was to come.  I guess I told for a couple of reasons... first... full disclosure.  Second... maybe to jump start what was supposed to happen earlier.

"Oh, well that's ok, I love you too"  He held me tight, kissed my forehead, rolled over to turn off the light... signalling it was time to go to sleep... time for his short back scratch that he gets every night.  Instantly I was livid... twice in one night... Once I get... twice.. guess we really aren't doing ttwd... guess "we" aren't going to be consitant... guess... then it dawned on me...

"Did you check both of your emails?? "... aauugghhh.... yep, I forgot, he has 2... one school, one public.

"No, I only checked school, why, did you send me something??"  I'm not allowed to send hot stuff to school...he thinks they might monitor it...

"Yeah, I did"  growling at myself

"Cool... I'll get it tomorrow... thanks"

Are you freaking kidding me??  All those emotions... in such a small time frame.... aauuggghhhhh.  How could I be so stupid??  You know... I just realized I still have time to go delete that email still yet!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

This is gonna suck!

This post was an email that I sent to S.  I hate that I had to send it, but I had asked him to keep me accountable for my eating program.  I lost weight last week... we were very excited... but this week we had a couple of parties to attend... I guess I never got back on the "wagon".  I really hated to send this as, if you follow this blog, I don't like  receiving spankings.

Hey baby!

How is your day today? I hope better than yesterday! I think we both got punched in the belly yesterday with the prospect that your/our life may change for a while, as we know it! I think that if you talk to Xxxx about it tomorrow it will at least help us to know where you/we are gonna stand. I hope he is able to work with you in all of this! I really do feel like God is gonna take care of us... we will probably even be better off for it!

*deep breath* I didn't really want to bring this up.. but I need to be held accountable for my gain this week. I know, everybody does it... we could brush it under the table... but I need be held accountable. I need a spanking for my gain this week. If we don't follow through with this I won't take my eating program seriously... and will never get healthy. I need a spanking tonight and I need a hard one. Use what ever you want... I just need to know that I've been spanked. I need it to be a spanking I don't want to repeat. I'm sure the rec room will be fine... it will give us more room...

If you want me to find an implement for you... let me know. I know we have several paddles...we also have your belt, wooden spoons...let me know what you would like me to get to prepare. I want to make you happy... and I know that having to spank me tonight is really not gonna make you happy. I'm sorry. I know you have way too much on your mind to have to bring me back to where I need to be. Hopefully next week I'll be able to make better decisions.

This hasn't been an easy note to write... I'd much rather forget about it... I know you would too... but I have to have an incentive to lose this weight, to get healthy for you and me and our family. Evidently the weight loss itself isn't enough incentive.

I love you S! I want to be the best wife I can be for you! I want to make you happy... I want us to be happy!

I love you!! You are the love of my life!


 I'm very nervous after having sent this... my behind may never be the same! 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

My Favorite Spanking Picture

I think this would have to be my favorite... I think it speaks on on many different levels!
My favorite part is the fact that she has her jeans on... I think I would like that!! Oh Idk... all the different ways of getting a spanking turns me on till I'm actually there and getting it... not so cool then!! LOL

This picture came from

Monday, October 10, 2011

He Gives Me Butterflies...

Sometimes the simplest things in life bring us pleasure.

We were headed home, he in his truck, me in my minivan, I was following him... it was a beautiful fall afternoon. The sun was shining... the birds were singing. The cool fall breeze was running through the was so nice. The kids were asleep... the music was playing fairly loudly... life was very good.

Then it happened... I fell in lust all over again with my husband. I was watching him in his mirror... waiting for him to look at me so I could wave at him... and I just kept watching him...his strong jawline, his graying beard, his cool sunglasses that protect his milk chocolate eyes. What a hot man I fell in love with. Then it happened... he looked back at me, I waved, he waved back, I could have melted right then and there! I felt like a young high school girl who just found feelings down that way that she has never felt before! Oh the things I'd like to do to the man driving that truck.

I know that I always sound like I'm a constant advertisement for ttwd... I just can't tell you how different our marriage is since we have decided that S is the boss and I answer to him. Since he calls the shots and I make sure that it gets done. He is the King and I am his Queen.. and I'm very proud of the choice we have made.

Yeah, sometimes I feel the need to argue... it wouldn't do any good. He would just show me who the boss is. I'll tell you what though, now that we are doing ttwd... when he kisses me... the lips on my face are not the only part of me that gets moist.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Guide me...

I think we are all always looking for a new turn on... a new fix...a new something that arouses us the way we haven't before!  When you are married for 15 years in a ho-hum life and all of a sudden have found the answers to prayers.... it's all a turn on!  A lot of times you see, hear or smell something that is totally non sexual and it turn you on beyond any reason!!

Yesterday a friend emailed me and asked if I had a certain movie in our collection of DVD so I got the case out and browsed.  After seeing that I didn't have it, I set it on the floor beside me to put away later.  S looked up from his work and said "put it"... to most that seems a mundane sentence and it might not mean anything more than face value... but to me it spoke volumes!!!

First, I'm not one that leaves things laying around, so he wasn't concerned that I was cluttering up the house.

Second, he doesn't concern himself with how the house looks so why would he start with this pack of movies?

He was flexing his HOH muscle... at least that is how I took it.  It's quite a turn on for me... coming from a man who, in the past, has not been the guy even remotely attached to domestic stuff... that would be me included.

He was guiding me... he was seeing just how serious I was about 24/7 D/d... I am very serious, so I smiled at him, a knowing smile.... he kinda raised his eyebrow as if it say "Well?.."  I got up.. put the case away, not a word was said.  I had warm little butterflies... and I honestly think that was a very important point where I could have built or broke his confidence.  I try to make sure that I ask him his permission/opinion on issues that I think he might want to be included in.  He doesn't micromanage me and my time.  If he happens to be there when something comes up, I'll ask his opinion... I never did before.  I never asked because he always answered "I don't care"... so I quit asking.  So much has changed for us since we started ttwd... both in and out of the bedroom!

I have come to realize that I really don't like spankings, not the punishment ones anyway.  I will submit to them, but won't be doing anything to ask for one on purpose anyway.  I have always done a decent job of keeping the house livable... not perfect, but I find myself trying to do a better job.  This is one of the reasons that I needed ttwd... to be accountable...

I do so love him... and I'm so glad he's stepping up and being the man that I so crave so that I can be the woman that he so needs.

It's a process... sometimes not a very fast process... but I think we're going in the right direction! :o)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My First Punishment Spanking... YYeeoowwiieee

I guess I'm a wienie... I just am...

I don't like spankings... I love where it puts my head.

This morning I'm loving, submissive, settled.... last night I was thanking God for nice cool sheets to lay on for my burning bottom.  I don't know how long he spanked me, not very.  He took it easy on me... but was stern enough in that I knew I had been spanked.

I had never had a punishment spanking before... but right before he came and got me and led me to our laundry room... I was reading sugarsweethoney21 and God I hope it's fiction.  She spoke of being spanked for like an hour... then he got serious... Auugghh!!  Are you kidding me??  I probably got 12 swats with that hair brush and that was all I could take.  It didn't help that he kept hitting the same two spots on either bun... but deciding not to try to top from the bottom.... I decided not to tell him how to do his job.

I think S is a spanko... he seemed to enjoy it a bit too much... his body gave him away as we went right to bed after the assault on my posterior... he obviously enjoyed it more than I did! ;o)

Anyway... we are better now.... I feel forgiven.  I'm not trying to shove religion down anyone's throat... but I have to say that I'm so glad that my Heavenly Father forgives me without such a rule... I'd hate to have to get a spanking for every single wrong doing that I commit on a daily basis... How much harder would it be follow Him if it weren't so easy to ask for forgiveness!!

Even this morning my bum seems to have a bit of an ache to to... bless his heart, a girl has to wonder if he has done this sort of thing before!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Consistency... everybody needs it...

"What time are you going to bed?"

"I don't know, what time did you want me to?" (no smile... no friendly bantering)

"9:00..."(it's 8:48)

"Hmmpphh... ok....  whatever..."

He could tell I wasn't impressed even before we got to the bedroom.  I don't know how, but he read me like a book.  Guess the book needs to tell him how to follow through... how his wife would be her wonderful, happy, smiling, flirty, settled self if he would learn how to follow through.

S was in bed before I was... I had to put a few dishes in the dishwasher on the way to bed... it always takes me a few more minutes than him to get there... finishing up the day... straightening up for the next day to begin.  One of the few "rules" that we have is that I'm to ask when I come to bed if I should close the door.  Before ttwd... there was very little sex.... very little anything besides sleeping in our bed.  When we started this new lifestyle, my promise to him and myself was that I would ask him every night.... whether I really wanted to or not... ask him if I needed to shut the door.  To spell it out...shutting the door meant that we would be intimate..have sex... be man and wife.  Something that neither of us really put our heart and soul into before.

"Do you want me to shut the door?" (with as much affection as you would say to a pet rock... maybe less)

"Yeah, that would be fine."

I shut the door, went to my side of the bed and took my clothes off and got into bed.  Went over to him... not really "wanting" to... but knowing that I want to be submissive... and how much more submissive can you be when going to him, and not really wanting to.  We cuddled... touched... fondled.... made love more passionately than in some time.  When we were done we were hot and sweaty... panting and exhausted.  I felt so much better working out my frustration and up-setness out on him in such a productive way! ;o)

He held me... I do love being held... I was feeling better, still a bit neglected but I had decided that I was not going to tell him when I was to get my spanking.  I had it coming... he is the boss.  It is almost as painful waiting for the dang thing than actually getting spanked.  My intention was to ask about it at some point... I was just waiting for the right moment.

"I'll give you your spanking tomorrow night, so get your head wrapped around it"

 "Ok... if that is what you think is best".  OMG.... I didn't even have to ask!

 "So have you thought about when and where?"

"Tomorrow night... after the kids go to bed"

"In our room?  Aren't you afraid the kids will here?"

"We'll go in the laundry room"

"Oh, ok... whatever you think is best"  OMG... he has actually thought about this!!!

"I've not been keeping up on your spankings.  We're going to change that"

I snuggled up to him even closer.  Since we have been doing ttwd, I don't let myself get mad at him.  I'm not going to say I don't get mad because I am a mom and I do deal with the public... so I do get yanked, just not at him.  Most of the time when I deal with him I am sweet.... or at least I keep my head from spinning around at him.  He doesn't like it when I'm not loving toward him.  Tonight was one of those nights.  He figured out quite quickly what I needed.

I'm really hoping that he figures out that the more consistent he is as my HOH.... the more consistent I'll be as his happy, loving, cuddly, submissive wife....

Maybe... just maybe!!

Monday, October 3, 2011

I've done it this time......

I have to say first off... we really don't have any "rules"... my rules are kinda far and few between.  If S has an opinion on something... he'll tell me not to do that in the future.  For example, we know a couple who don't do great at managing their money.  Every once in a while I will lend them money till payday.  Now I know we aren't a payday load agency... but I don't mind helping people out if I can.  They have never not paid us back.

The last time I loaned them any money, S wasn't happy... and told me not to do it again.  That was two months ago.  I was ok with that.  The wife and I are great friends... her husband is kind of a jerk.  S is kind enough to be nice to him when he's around.

The Jerk called me last Thursday and told me that his wife wouldn't be calling me till the following Monday because their phone was gonna be shut off, and they would be able to turn it back on Monday.  I told him to tell her to come over and I could loan it to her for the weekend... no biggie.  She is such a good friend... and the money problems were probably because of him... amazing what goes on in a person's head instead of what it is supposed to be remembering.  I really hate to see people not have a phone in case of an emergency.

I honestly forgot!  I really did... I'm not kidding... completely forgot... till I wrote the check.. and then there it was... I remembered.  Dang it!

Now I had to tell S.  There were a lot of thoughts that went through my mind.  I thought of not telling him.  I really did.  For a spit second, but I did.

I told him the next evening... Oh and he wasn't happy, not one bit.  I have to say, my husband is one of the most laid back people I have ever met.  He rarely get's mad... but he was that night.  He didn't even suggest a spanking,  I almost wonder if he thought I did it to get a spanking.  I felt so bad.

That evening, after we made love, I told him how badly I felt about the loan... and asked him for my first discipline spanking.  I told him that I felt I needed to make things "right".  I honestly did forget... this isn't a ploy to get a spanking.  I'm the chick that doesn't want real spankings.  I like the erotic spankings but I have come to realize that I'd rather just read about everybody else's!

After a moment or so... S agreed that I did, in fact, have a spanking coming.  He informed me that it wouldn't be a "pat pat"... I'm gonna know I've been spanked.  AAuugghh..... what have I done???

I'm hoping that the spanking eases my heavy heart because I do feel so bad.  Even though she did pay me back this morning.  I'm so glad I told him because he was there when she gave me the money back.  Oh man, I can't imagine if I had been caught in all of this without having told him!

Well.... I'm in waiting.  I'm waiting for my spanking.  I think this might be worse than actually getting the spanking.  I'm thinking I'm going to send the kids outside this evening and go to him and ask to finish this up.  I don't think he has forgotten.. not by the look that I got when she paid me back today!! AAAaauugghh.... I may want to just run away from home!!!

I've done it this time!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Communication... the name of the Game!!

I think we have all been there... wallering in our own selves.... wondering how come he doesn't "love me enough" to spank me.  Does he hate Dd?  Are we not only not on the same page but not even in the same library??

And then I did it.  I have asked for help.

He was very ok with it.

Almost too ok with it.

I need to lose some weight.  I had lost some and then gained a lot of it back and I feel so much better not only mentally but physically when I'm lighter.  I need someone to answer to besides my clothes.  I need to have to tell someone if I have taken my walk ... I need to tell someone who is going to keep me accountable.  I need a spanking when I screw up and gain.  Not because he wants me to lose because S doesn't care what size I am.  That is so sweet... but I need to lose it for me and that is truly the only reason for self improvement.... self.

So I asked him if he would help me lose weight... by spanking me if I gain.  His answer..."Well, sure" in just the exact tone that I needed to hear.

He followed it up with "I'm sorry we haven't been getting your maintenance done like I said I would... there just doesn't seem to be any time"

Yeah, I know, and I don't hold it against you... I don't really like spankings anyway.

HUH?  What do you mean you don't like spankings?

I mean I've come to realize that they hurt and that I don't necessarily like them.  I am very turned on about the thought of getting one ... and I like where it puts my head after getting one... I just don't like the during.  So since I don't like them... I'm thinking that I might try a bit harder knowing that if I trip up, you are going to be there to catch me and redirect my thinking... what do you think about that plan?

I think your silly... but what ever works for you.  I also think that if anyone ever figures out the woman's mind, they would be an absolute millionaire!!  And I like where they put your head too... I think we need to try to find the time to maintain your head!  (I could hear him smile in the dark)

Little does he know that it doesn't make any sense to me either.  How could something that you don't like turn you on?  Crazy!

I love being spanked with his hand.  Problem... he doesn't like to spank me with his hand because it hurts him too! LOL  I know this but he has never said anything out loud.  So if I gain he is going to use a paddle.  He promises to make it hurt.   HHmmm..... sitting here writing this, it really turns me on thinking of him spanking me with a paddle... I just hate being spanked by one.  Paddles hurt... how does it turn me on when I hate being spanked with a paddle... and yet my breathing is getting a bit shallow thinking about it?

As long as he is going to help me, that is all that matters.

Talking is definitely the way to go!!  

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Wooo Hooo... I had a great time!

Wow... I had a great time Friday night.  I signed up for the Learning Domestic Discipline chat room!  I have to say that I was a bit nervous about going to this chat room for several reasons.

I had to ask S if I could even sign up for this chat room.  Even if it were free I had to ask him.  Years ago my mom and I used to meet in a chat room to save money on long distance bills.  When my mom and I were visiting we were also visiting with other people.  There were several people that I  had befriended with in that chat room... one of them was a man who knew all the right words to say.  He romanced me and said things that S didn't.  At the time we were having a horrible time in our marriage.  I was a bitchy little wanna be princess and S was struggling with unmedicated depression.  He found out that I had a cyber affair.  I know this sounds ridiculous to some.  I may not have physically had an affair... but it was an affair of the heart.  I was very lonely and needed companionship... I was just "looking for love in all the wrong places" as it were.  We got through it and I swore not to go back to that chat room.  There was absolutely no way that I would have gone to this room without asking... no matter how wonderful and innocent it is, especially given ttwd... it puts my mind in a totally different place.

One of the other reasons that I was nervous was because I look up to so many of the writers of these wonderful blogs that I have learned so much from!  How was I going to talk to these people, I was very nervous.  I know... they put their panties on one leg at at time, just like the rest of us...LOL  I just feel like such a newbie compared to so many of you people!!

You were so welcoming... made me feel very much included!  Rouge and Christine even had a ceremony, inducting me and Jill  into the NPA group!!  How sweet was that !!?  It was very funny and just made me feel like one of the group!  Clint was there for a minute... peeked in....

I'm definitely not looking for a relationship... I have one.  I'm not looking for romance.... I have it.  I'm not looking to get spanked... it hurts!!  I love my S and he is all I need.  I do, however look forward to chatting it up with some that are in the same type of Dd relationship.

Come and visit!  Hang out with like minded people who can talk about our lives and ttwd like we do about every other part of our lives.  Sometimes it gets a little stuffy in this "closet"... how about you??  It's nice talking to those who are like minded.

Thanks again for the nice welcome ladies!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I think I'm needing to be taken...

I have this itch... it's describable to those who "know".  Those who don't know would think I'm a bit crazy... and maybe I am a little.  I'm needing my husband to take me and show me who is boss.

But then I'm thinking he needs to take me in hand too!!

In bed, there are no problems... we know who is who... we are ying and yang.  We are what the other needs.  We have owned each other long enough to know what the other wants... and have also loved each other long enough to know it's ok to guide the other in another direction if needed... and the other follows.  No problems here.  We both get caressed... we both get what we need... I feel very loved, sexy, erotic, needed, desired.

And then we have to get out of bed in the morning.  Feelings of neglect.  Not always... not even every day... but often enough to be able to see a pattern.  I just want him to show affection toward me outside of the bedroom.  Does that make any kind of good sense?  As much love as I get in our bed you would think that would be enough... I'm starting to feel like a spoiled brat and I don't want to want more than what I have coming.

I want to be cooking dinner and he come up behind me and put his hands around my waist, nibble on my neck and tell me that he loves me.  I want him to tell  me that he loves me instead of saying "I love you too".  When we sit next to each other in a booth in our favorite restaurant, I want him to put his hand on my leg instead of me always putting my hand on his.  I want him to flirt with me.  Not in a nasty way... in a way that is like code between the two of us.

Then I think of  Daisychain who never gets to see her man!!  How does she do this??  She gets to see her guy like once a year... wow... she is a good woman. She knows Davey loves her even though he can't do these things for her.

Then there is Ms Stormy.  Her guy is gone a lot for work.  Not that he would want to be away, but it's work. You gotta work!  How do they do it?  I think he flirts with her when they are together... I don't  know how she does it either.  He's fairly heavy handed and I don't know that I would handle that well.  You are a good woman Stormy!

There are so many of you ladies that live the same way... so many of these men are gone and still you are good women to keep the home fires burning!!

My guy just "checks out" while we are in the same room.  I love him... but it's an odd feeling to be lonely with the one you love in the same room.

Spankings help us connect.  It forces him to be present... reminds me to be respectful even when he does "checks out".  He is still the guy in charge even when he's not "present".In his defense, he is struggling to get his head wrapped around this new world called college... and he has always struggled with depression (at least he doesn't fight taking his meds anymore!!)

I'm thinking I'm needing a spanking... not that I want one.... but I need one... we both need one.  I need to connect to S in a serious way... not so much connect our bodies, we stay nicely connected nearly every night!  We don't even really need to connect our souls because they are connected at all times.  Our hearts... no that's not it... our hearts are don't have wonderful lives like our without our hearts being tight.

I know what it is.... His hand needs to connect soundly to my behind and it will bring it all together.