Friday, October 28, 2011

It's putting a Kink in my Kink!

We aren't spring chickens... we are in our early to mid 40's.  40's is not really that old.  Well it might be, if your not there yet... but if you are older than that you might think that it's not old at all.  It is if you feel old.  It's not me, I'm fine... maybe a bit overweight, but I'm feeling great!  It's S.. he is feeling and looking pretty old these days!  He has had surgery in the past, and is in need of surgery again, he has so much pain... and it's getting worse.  It started out that he was kinda gimping around... not able to do stuff that he was able to do, now he's an old man that just doesn't have the same spring in his step that he used to.

Now it's effecting our bedroom.   Without going into much detail... I will say that since we have started ttwd, we have been intimate nearly every night... there have been like 3 nights that we hadn't, but I'm serious... we have been little bunnies.  I will also say that not every night did we hang from the chandelier...but intimate unlike we ever were before Dd.  Back in the day we were getting with it if we were intimate 2or3 times a  month!!  Not kidding!  TTWD has effected us that much.. neither of us want to see this leave our life!  We are both very happy with our "new" relationship.

His health issue is putting a kink in our kink!  I'm very understanding, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it!  I miss my husband.  He is good for like every other day.  Last night was not one of the good nights.  I do have self control... I have zero intention of leaving the wonderful man that I have because every other night he has to roll over and go to sleep. Till death do us part!    If we never had sex again, I would still love him... you don't have to have sex to have passion and intimacy.  It just scares me... I am horrified that we will go back to 2 or 3 times a month.

One of our dear friends kiwigirliegirl has been struggling this week.  TTWD isn't working the way she would like for it to work.  I think we all have been there a time or two.  When our HOH isn't as consistent as we think they should be.  When we really think they needs to come down on us for messing up and it ends up just another day.  It can be very frustrating!!  You might even get hurt feeling, feeling neglected, feeling like your are forcing ttwd down their throats.  I know I feel like that sometimes!

So the question comes to mind.... how does a girl stay submissive when her man is down? Or not home, as I know there are a few of you who's hubby travels quite a bit.  I know S doesn't feel like spanking me, it hurts to move.  I can't ask him to spank me, not even on one of the good days.  I don't think I would turn it down should he tell me to bend over... but it's not looking good for a while.

I think that in order to get my head wrapped around this whole submissive thing... I need to define submission. According to Wikipedia, Submission is the acknowledgment of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior .  So, according to that, just by saying he is my HOH, acting submissive, being submissive.... makes him the HOH.  It doesn't say in there that he has to spank me for him to have power over me... it is merely my consenting to him being my leader makes him my leader... and I will follow.  Whether he has the physical power to spank me or not.  

I have to say that this has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past also.  I don't necessarily like being spanked (ok, admittedly the occasional erotic type is wonderful) and so I have struggled how to be submissive and not be spanked.  I really struggled with this whole thing till he couldn't spank me.  I'm not any less respectful... I don't not do what is expected of me because I don't have the looming punishment over my head.  When he was physically able to spank I needed him to be consistent and spank when I was out of line.  Now that he is unable to spank... I'm not disrespectful, mouthy, blah, blah... any of the other things that I have gotten spanked for in the past.

So does this mean that I don't really need the spankings, that I really do know how to act??  I don't may mean that I have matured and have learned how to act.. it may mean that I like being spanked and didn't really know it!! LOL

I love him... will follow him to the ends of the earth.... and do what ever he needs me to do....but I also know that his kink is putting a kink in our kink.


  1. Oh Mikkie :( I feel for you and your husband. Can he get some surgery to remedy his health issues?

    Maybe there are other things your hubby can have you do besides him spanking you to help you feel submissive? I do daily rituals - Discipline - as a reminder of my submission. It is not punishment but helps me focus and keep my submission in my mind.

    I hope things look up for you (and your hubby) soon. It is nice to see you both so much in love.

    Take care, Sky

  2. I'm so sorry Mikki! Health issues can be hard...really hard. I hope that your husband will be able to get some relief and feel better soon. If it's an ongoing kind of condition, well, I can understand that as I have one of those as well. It's kept pretty much in check most of the time now, but when it first reared it's ugly head it turned our world upside down. We weren't doing ttwd at the time, but there was nothing going on in our bedroom for awhile because of it and that was hard on both of us. I wish I had some advice for you, but it sounds like you're handling it as well as can be expected. Hang in there and don't be afraid to talk to him about it.

  3. LOL Mikki so many thoughts! Yes, I am sure you have grown and I know that I sure hope that the "get your act together" spankings grow fewer and fewer as time goes on. But, the way of life isn't going away for us, it'll morph and change as we grow right? The women who blog who have doing this for years seem to be a lot more mature in the way they relate with their husbands and they don't seem to get punished as often.

    Do you like being spanked? I surely don't know but I'm a spank-no who sometimes doesn't seem to work very hard to not get one. So what is up with us?

    I'm really sorry that he's putting a kink in your kink. I hope that there's some sort of resolution to that in time. It's nice to be active in your 40's.

  4. Mikki,

    Life goes in cycles...hopefully this part where S is in ill health will pass soon. I'm so sorry he's in pain. Pain is just awful! Praying that you and he will still be able to stay close:)!

  5. @Sky... Yes, I think if this junk thing we are in right now lasts, I might have to ask him to for either rituals or something to remind me where I am. Wednesday we go to see a surgeon, and if it goes like I think it will, he will probably have surgery the following week. The relief should be immediate, but it's the recovery that sucks... anywhere from 8 weeks to 6 months.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts!

    @ Grace... I'm sorry to hear your guy has health issues also. The first time S had surgery, we weren't doing ttwd. We are expecting recovery time on this surgery to be a bit longer, the surgery to be a bit more extensive.

    Thank you for your kind words!

    @ Susie... I was a bit cocky this afternoon when I wrote this post. I was presumptuous in thinking that I was mature enough to not need spankings to stay submissive. I'm trying to be strong in the sight of the unknown. I think sometimes its either be cocky strong or lay down and cry and wonder why us...

    I didn't mean to sound like I had it all sewed up and no problems here... I was hurting and my heart puked onto the keyboard through my fingers. You are so right... our lives morph and change... here's to hoping for some change!

    @ Kitty.... thank you for your kind words... I'm praying we stay close also!

  6. It's human nature to want to have something, until we 'decide' to not have it anymore. It's a different story when it's 'taken' from us eh so I think it's natural to (dare I say) miss the spankings alongside everything else.
    You'll get through this together and I hope things get better soon.

    Dee x

  7. No, it's me who has the health issues. ;) I hope and pray your hubby's surgery and recovery go well and that he's much better afterward! (((hugs)))

  8. Oh didn't sound cocky! I really do think we all grow and there are things we don't need spankings for anymore. Sadly, there's always new ones that we seem to least that's the way things happen around here. I didn't mean to come across so cheekily, just wanted to make you smile and remind you that you were already growing, whether you saw it or not.

    To be honest, I don't know what we'd do if M couldn't spank for a time. I know I'd be on my best behavior in order to care for him and I'd want to be super respectful in order to not frustrate him. But the moments would come when he'd want to spank, and not be able to and I'm not sure what we'd do. It's a good thing that you've started talking about it so you'll have some ideas together.

  9. Mikki, we have sure been there, and we're EVEN older than you two! :) Grant has health issues, I have heath issues, and frankly...they suck! (Not supposed to use that words, but it fits and Grant's not looking over my shoulder!)

    Sometimes, when spanking has really not been an option, we have done some other things around submission exercises that's not just the same... but it helps. I hope he (and you) get past this soon! Sara

  10. Dee... I agree, this is the first time that a health issue is dictating that we can't do something... we will get through this... it's just a struggle to get through. Thanks for your kind words...((hugs))

    Grace... Yeah, I got that it's your guy with the heath issue... I think I typed that wrong.. Sorry..

    Susie... I'm hoping that Wed the surgeon will set him up for surgery for the following week... I'm ready to be done with this! Thank you for your kind thoughts! ((hugs))

    Sara... I was thinking of googling for some alternative ideas in submission exercises...I'll keep you apprised... also if you have posted about this before... your thoughts would be appreciated!! Thank you for caring! ((hugs))

  11. No, it's ME, not Michael. I'm sitting here giggling now. It's not important which one of us it is anyway. LOL