Sunday, January 29, 2012

I'm suckin'... and not the good way!

I'm a pretty level headed person... for the most part. I don't usually struggle with mood swings... bursts of anger or depression. I have more than one time in my life been accused of being jolly! People in real life generally like me.... and I generally like most of them. I know that everyone has a "thing" and that we all have issues... and that we could all use a break for what ever reason from time to time.

Given all of that, I have been sucking this weekend... not the good way. Things that don't usually bother me have been sending me over the top. Not just over the top, crazy over the top!! I'm almost thinking that I have caught Faerie's "menopause brain"

Friday S sold an asset of ours. Not anything that we needed or ever even planned on using again as we decided it was too dangerous. Someone called wanting to buy it. This is cool... everyone can always use the money... right? Well... very long, horribly long story short... we ended up selling it for half of what we bought it for... totally pissed me off. S said that there were repairs that needed to be fixed... but I get so tired of people who want what you have but tell you what a piece of crap you have... aauughhhh~~

Saturday.... the day was going ok... I was over my rant from the day before. We all went shopping and life was fairly good. S was going through the motions... trying to be involved with the living... figured out later that he didn't take his meds that morning... so was feeling a bit "off". We went home and rested... trying to enjoy the rest of the day just laying around till the evening when we had a casual church function to go to that evening. Five minutes before we were to leave, he asked if we would be ok if he didn't go.

The kids and I went ahead and went and he stayed home. It totally broke my heart and I did shed a tear but thought I would be ok... but I wasn't. I love having him near me... the weekends are huge in our lives. Family time... couple time in family time. Yes we live together but with my work... kids school... church... school functions.... not a lot of family/couple time during the week. That night I had a bit of a meltdown... he held me, I cried... he was sorry, but I didn't want him to be sorry... I wanted this day to start over so that at that point we would be making hot passionate love enjoying each other rather than where we were... him still in a medically induced haze... me feeling sorry for myself because my HOH was down and not able to guide me or was it that I was pouting because I didn't get what I wanted... who knows.

Sunday... Really?? Are you kidding me?? We had a church function after service today and I'll tell you what, I let a couple of those little old bitties get under my skin. You know the kind... the ones who sit in church, don't doing anything but back biting those of us who have to take up the slack for those same do-nothing lovelies. I know better than to let these people bother me and get under my skin... but I'm think that my defenses were down due to the rest of the weekend.

Well... for those who have continued reading, even though I'm not sure I would have... here is the funny one. At the dinner at church, S and I were sitting at a table with two couples who we are close to(but not close enough to tell our secret). These same friends and S were giving me a bad time about my attitude... when S piped up that "maybe what she needs is to be taken out behind the shed"... laughingly they all agreed.

HHmmmm..... for some reason I started feeling a bit better. Honestly... I'm thinking that I'm very anxious about Monday night... for those who don't know, we are getting back on track and I'm getting my first "reassurance" spanking Monday night. After the weekend I've had... it maybe couldn't come soon enough!

A reset may just be very much in order!

Sorry S for such a hard weekend... I love you so much!!


  1. Mikki,
    That's exactly what blogging is all about, ranting and sharing our 'that makes me want to scream' moments. My biggest problem has been overwhelming me lately and Nick has helped me get a grip again. I hope all goes well for you Monday night.


    1. You know... you are so right, that is what these blogs are for. I forget that part sometimes... Thank you for your kind words. I'm anxiously looking forward to tonight... I'm sure I'll keep ya posted! ((hugs))

  2. Bad weekends are the worst. I'm sorry you had one. Funny because we work and run so hard through the week that we want weekends to be just peaceful and happy. I found I was making this "dream land" of a weekend and the real thing often fell short, then making me sad. Finally, Love said enough, we are NOT planning another things. We are going to just stay home and learn to enjoy the still. It was just as hard on him as me - we both love to be on the go. But after that weekend (it was a while back) I seemed to stop my dreaming and enjoyed the moment I was living in.

    Your poor husband - the meds can just be royal rippers and make you feel just so unlike yourself. They truly are be tough, needed but tough. Hope it all works out! (And feel free to stick your tongue out to the biddies, that FEELS great, just make sure S doesn't see lol)

  3. *giggling* Thank you for your kind words.. very sweet and so appreciated! It's Monday morning now and life is looking better than the weekend. We do get so tangled up in putting all our stock on the weekend that we forget the moments that we have here and there that do add up to more time than those silly two days! You are so right!

    Yeah.... one of these days... the old biddies aren't gonna know what happened... Funny thing, S would love to see it too!! LOL

  4. Weekends are supposed to be fun and connecting and we build up our expectations too have them come crumbling down. I'm sorry you had a bad one Mikki.

    Now S and his comment at dinner! LOL! Seems like he's thinking about tonight too. A wink and nod and and all that. Have a good day today Mikki.

    1. I think you hit that one... the funny thing with these two couples, I almost think sometimes that at least one of them, possibly both have practiced Dd in the past, if not still. Nothing specific... just a feeling! LOL

  5. Oh, so sorry for passing on the menopause brain to you, sucks doesn't it? I'm feeling much better and hope you are too.

  6. Oh honey, I'm feeling much better too... it has been quite a while since I have had a melt down like the THREE I had this weekend!!! Bless your heart!! ((hugs))

  7. Sounds like a rough weekend all the way around. I hate it when that happens. I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope tonight goes well! (((hugs)))