Happy Anniversary to Us!

My hubby and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this last Tuesday... had a quiet dinner... no kids, so it's was really quiet. ;o)  It's not always been the best ride in town... but I wouldn't trade this ride for love nor money.  We have had some ups and downs... and the struggle to stay married in this day in age isn't always fun when everyone is getting divorced because it's easier than fixing what is broken.  I am S's second wife... he is my first and only hubby.  I'm not saying that he married the wrong one the first time, maybe a little young... not saying it was all her fault because I understood about 3 months into our marriage why they got divorced!! LOL  Takes two to make a marriage and two to break one.  To be quite honest, if we hadn't found ttwd we very well could have been in the ranks of the failed marriages tossed to the side these days.

I'm not really sure what happened in the early years.  I know that I was advised by friends and family what marriage was supposed to look like.  I was supposed to get my way all the time and things were supposed to be perfect all the time.  There wasn't supposed to be any struggles... I was supposed to be right all the time and he was supposed to just smile and make sure that I was happy all the time.  Wow... no wonder I was so unhappy all those years!  I had been lied to!!  I'm not even sure how I came across ttwd on the net... I know I was searching... not really sure what exactly I was searching for... but when I found it I knew that was exactly what we needed!  What I needed.  He didn't have any problems... really.  Well.... I guess that's not exactly true.. his main problem was that he couldn't get any sex.  I felt that I was doing it all and sex was just one more chore on my list of things to do in a day!  Not a very nice way of looking at things, I know, but we weren't always that nice to each other.  There were things I wanted and he wouldn't do for me... but he would have if it were a friend that needed something... I think we can all appreciate this at one time or another.

I have no idea how this spanking thing works...  the only thing thing that I can think is because it puts my mindset where it has never been, where it belongs!  My S doesn't ask me to do very many specific things, but what he does ask of me, I take very seriously.  Don't get me wrong... I have daily chores that I do... not because he has told me to but that I know these are the things I need to do to run a happy household... and I know that is what my HOH likes... and bottom line, I like him to be happy.  By taking them seriously... doing what he asks in a timely manner... it shows him the respect that he deserves, and therefore makes him feel like the HOH.  I have found that while I'm to be submissive... I also have so much power over how S feels and how he feels depends on how good he is at his job as my HOH.  

I used to call all the shots.  I don't know why except for the fact that he didn't seem to have an opinion.  What I said was usually ok with him.  When we started ttwd, he started leaving the light on in the bedroom during our intimate time... and it was all I could do not to insist that he turn off the light.  I am getting over it by remembering that he is my loving HOH and that he doesn't ask much from me... and if this is all that he wants from me in a day... and I gave it to him willingly and without an argument... what a good little wifey I must be! It is kind of a turn on, truth be known.  It's a bit humiliating.. which, of course, makes love making very hot!!  I think he is slowly and surely deciding that he kind of likes calling a few of the shots.

I still make most of the decisions in our house.  Not because I'm trying to run him, but I'm his House Manager.  That is my job to run the house and make it smooth so he doesn't have to.  The last say is his... and if I'm not really sure how he would want something done... I'll ask... and most generally he doesn't care... but I know he likes being consulted.  Not a lot of my day has changed since ttwd began in our home... except for my attitude and our sex life... which are two very huge parts.  My attitude is the one thing that I can really control.. and as long as I can keep that in check.... seems everything else just falls into place.

A different way of looking at it...

HHmmmm... I was cruising through Blogland last night and got enlightened!  Not a new thing because I always learn something new when reading the blogs of all the wonderful people who blog about ttwd.  I feel so new to it so I'm always looking for a different spin on different thoughts and I definitely found one last night.

I'm not really sure who's blog I got this from, and I need to go find out... when I do I'll make a note of it... but he mentioned that so many people spend so much money traveling to see different landscapes when all they would have to do is look at the same landscape in a different way.  Wow... that is fairly deep!  He then went on to suggest to us ladies that get so irritated with our HOH who don't seem to spank us as much as we like... or let things slide that we think they should just jump in the middle of and take the bull by the horns and spank away... that just the fact that he isn't spanking us... is in a way being dominate.  He is choosing to spank when HE wants to spank and isn't going to be told, by someone who is supposed to be his submissive, what to do and how to do it.

Wow... now that is definitely a different way of looking at the same landscape!  So that means that if my HOH doesn't spank me it doesn't mean that he isn't into ttwd as much as I was hoping.... maybe he is just doing things in his own time... and not mine.  Interesting.  I'm not so sure that is true all the time... but it is a different way of looking at it.  I guess I am looking at it in our marriage and for the most part I need to think that is what is going on.  I have found that in my head is where I really need my spankings anyway.  It's never my butt that screws things up!  It's most generally the body part sitting on my shoulders that really deserves the punishment.   My tongue won't quit flapping around at times..... my eyes have this compulsive way of rolling in a way that others may find offensive... my brain won't quit doing all the questioning S's motives... thinking I need to be right.. thinking that I need to be right... thinking .... thinking ... thinking.....  My poor bottom just is there to support me and all my parts.

Anyway... I thought this different way of looking a things was worth sharing... a new perspective isn't a bad thing to have... unless your perspective is bent over taking a punishment on the butt when in reality it probably  isn't the bottom who screwed things up.

Humiliation...hhhmmmmm....

Oh I think I'm on blog overload... I have been reading blogs every second that I have available yesterday and today and wow... there are a lot of wonderful writers out there!!  I mean WOW!  Very impressive!  Of course they have all been spanking blogs of different shades of kink.  I have been going to the following lists on the blogs that I follow... I'm sure that is how it's supposed to be done and I think that I have invented the wheel! :o)

Ever since I can remember I have had humiliation dreams.  I had one when I know I was like 9yo where the VERY cute boy next door (across the field, I grew up in the country) met me  in the woods and somehow I got naked and I was tied up in the crook of a tree spread eagle.  Then he was whipping me with some sort of bull whip that he got from somewhere.  Now...I'm sure that there are people out there that will think that I may have been abused... where do kids get thoughts like that all by themselves?  I just don't think so.  My mom was a stay at home mom.... I spent the night at only one girls house all my early years and that was a slumber party.... Mom was just always there.  No time to get into trouble!

Anyway.. I digress... is that not an awesome dream?  Then there is this other dream where there is this stumpy man.... older... and he had a tall slender and beautiful  woman with him.  I was some sort of observer but nobody really knew I was there.  He was humiliating her by making her crawl naked on the semi private beach where at any time she could be seen.  He made her do things like sit naked in the sand... beg for something to drink... and then in the end he buried her in the sand... showing only her head and then at the end... right before I woke up he was standing above her and started unzipping his zipper.... and then I woke up!!  Not a bad erotic humiliation story for a pre adolescent!

So, you see, I have always been in to spanking and humiliation.  Not sure that I wanted to be spanked till I actually was just several months ago by S.  My night in shining armor!  I do like a good spanking as opposed to a "bad" one!  I'll take a good girl spanking and some humiliation on the side before bed.  You know... this Dd thing is one of the most wonderful things that has happened to me and S.  Before Dd we had sex like twice a month... and then it was like yet one more job on my list to do.  Sex is not fun if it's a job!  Since hubby and I have committed ourselves to ttwd, I think we have made mad passionate love near every night!  Its all in the mindset!  I promised to submit to him... and I really meant it!  Mind body and soul!  He promised to be my dragon slayer... my hero...my HOH.

In my last post I was expecting some spankings and some experimenting... well usually us girls get pretty yanked when we are told we are going to get a spanking and don't for days.... but to be quite honest we have gotten so caught up in the experimenting that we honestly both forgot about the spanking!  He promised to give me one tonight before dinner so we won't get distracted.

Just as couple more nights without children....

Gotta suck it dry!! ;op

There's a first time for everything!

Our kids are both gone.. omg I haven't been able to say that for like 12 years.  Ok, every once in a while both kids do happen to be gone at the same time, but not very often!  It's almost as if they feel like they need to chaperon us!! ;o)  They are good kids and we love them very much.. but they are both gone for 4 days!!  AAuugghhhh!!!!  What will we do with this time we finally have together???   We have friends who seem to think that we don't know what to do with this time because everybody wants to get together... REALLY???  We can do that when the kids are home and we can stick a frozen pizza in the oven for the kids and we can go out to dinner with these friends!! (our kids are 8 and 12 and are responsible enough to be alone for a couple of hours)

Definitely a bit of spanking tonight... lots of sweating... maybe a little experimentation... oh I do love my husband!!  The love of my life.  I can't imagine spending my life with anyone but him!  S tries so hard to please me.  I brought ttwd to him and I think he started reluctantly but he wouldn't tell.  He did it because he loves me.... and now I think he does it because he likes what it has done for us!

I told him last night that I do love spanking... I really do.  Not necessarily the pain so much as the mindset that it keeps me in.   The problem is that we don't have a lot of privacy and our house is set up with all the bedrooms at the same end of the house.  We have even gotten "caught" once by our very concerned son who thought he heard someone beating on his mom... he barged into the room(somebody forgot to lock the door) (no lights on thank God) and had the phone in hand and had his battery operated alarm clock for light fixing to call 911 to save his mom from who ever was beating her!!!  Very traumatic for all of us!!  A cold shower could not have cooled things down in that room faster!!!

Anyway... needless to say spankings are very spocratic and it's not S's fault.  It is what it is.  But I don't want to go back.. and neither does he.  I've been lurking around all of these wonderful blogs this week and I think I may have come up with yet another answer.  A couple of blogs mentioned butt plugs.  We have toys but have never even thought of getting one of those.  One of the ladies mentioned that she and her family were moving and were lacking privacy and her husband sent her to put a butt plug in and then to go about her daily activities.  OMG that is exactly what I have been looking for.  Not that I want a butt plug in as I am cooking supper and getting the kids ready for bed, but I think it will be a way of "reeling me back in" when I start loosing it.  So I ordered a set today and can't wait till they get here.  I'm excited to see how they might be used in ttwd.

I'm looking for other ways for S to reel me in without anyone else knowing.  I'm taking suggestions if anybody  might read this has any ideas to go along with this!?  I'm hoping that this secret that we are going to have when  he sends me to "plug in" and then continue on my day will redirect my attitude and bring me back to where I need to be.

Oh I still want to be spanked... and will be anytime we can... but between them, his correction and guidance is all I need.  Well ok... I think I might like a bit more than that from S...*grin*

Happy Wife Appreciation Day!

My hubby walked into church after Sunday School today with a guy from our church who had brought his wife a dozen roses for what he said was Wife Appreciation Day. Not very many people notice it because I think Halmark gets us to celebrate as many card giving days as they possibly can.  S was a bit upset and I didn't get why.  He stated that once again he had been shown up as he didn't know that it was this "special day".  Oh bless his heart.. I don't think he believed me but I didn't know it was either.  I quickly reminded him that he knows what I like... and it ain't roses.

I like Diet Mt. Dew... yes... my fix of choice.  Anytime he goes to town and comes home after running errands.. I get a DMD... what a turn on that he remembered me while he was out and about.

I like him standing next to me in church... its a thing that I really like and appreciate.  God brought us together and has done nothing but strengthen our marriage since it has been shown to me that I need to be submissive to my husband.  It has been a long road to hoe learning that life is so much easier having just one boss in the house.

I like submitting to the sexiest man I have every met... and the more he learns how to be my HOH the sexier he is to me.  I know he is trying very hard to learn how to best guide me and support me.

I like that we have a secret that no one else knows about... except for you all that is!! *wink*

I like that he is concerned about my health and well being.  He doesn't like me staying up late after he has gone to bed... he knows I could/would be up all night and when you have to work the next morning that is not healthy.

I like being spanked.  Don't tell anybody but I do.  I don't necessarily care for the pain.  I do, however, like having him rub my behind before he warms me up.  I like how he holds me after he warms me up.  I like the new found intimacy that we have found since we have come to ttwd.

I like the subtle little parts of our new life that make me so attracted to him.  When he decides that we are taking his car instead of mine.  That sounds so silly but it's kinda two fold.  Just S making a decision is so out of character it's a turn on because I know he is starting to enjoy this new thing. When we take his car he drives and it's  HOH Driving Miss Mikki..... a wonderful new home movie that we are so enjoying!!

Hope you are having a wonderful Wife Appreciation Day too!!

In the begining...

Wow... where do I begin.  My husband and I have always been two of the nicest people you would ever want to meet.  In the begining of our marriage, that was to everybody but each other.  Oh, we loved each other... just couldn't seem to make each other happy.  Oh, it's not that we didn't try.  I seemed to be angry all the time and he was closed for business... shut down... all the time.  I honestly don't know which come first... my anger or his distance.  I guess it doesn't matter... there is plenty of blame to go around.

Through this 15 years of dysfunction... we had a couple of kids, who are wonderful by the way... for being raised in a home where dad is very quiet and mom goes nuts every little bit.  Looking back I feel so bad for my anger and have really no idea where it came from.  I don't know if it came from thinking I was doing "it" all on my own... or because of blah blah blah.... I'm noticing now it just doesn't matter.

I was thinking ... wow... is this all there is??  I get to hang out with these three people for the rest of my life and for what??  None of us were ever very happy.  Kids seemed to fight all the time... mom and dad didn't fight but didn't talk either... mom yelled at kids... dad very quiet.... Really??  The only difference between this and what I grew up with was that when my dad was around, which really wasn't much... but when he was home they fought.... all the time!!  What did they fight about, you might ask......him not ever being home..AAuughhh..... don't know if I'd be that crazy about coming home if the only thing waiting for me was her complaining that I was never home.  HHhhmmmm... this gave me something to think about.

I was surfing around the net and come across Dd...I have to say I was a bit intrigued.  I'm not really sure how it came to be... I don't recon it really matters.... but I came to realize that this is exactly what we needed.  I needed to be guided down the path that I need to go... and I needed to quit fighting for control when all I really wanted was to be taken care of.  I took this to S and I think at first he was a bit taken back, but agreed because he loves me and would do anything for this thing to work.

That was about nine months ago... and my husband has taken me in hand.  I love him and I know he loves me.  My kids even know that something is different since our son commented on how happy Mom has been lately... pretty huge for a 12 year old to notice.  S is our hero.  He gets the last word... weather I like it or not.  I love him being the "boss".  I don't get very many spankings as he says that I'm really "good" and he really doesn't need to correct my behavior... I suggested that maybe I should get "maintenance spanks" to make sure I keep my mind where it needs to be.  He is ok with that but we don't have much time for said maintenance.  

Kids are going to camp Monday... will be back Friday.... I'm hoping that between those two days we get plenty of make ups made up! ;o)