The other night I wrote my S a fairly long note telling him that I'd like to work our way back to practicing Dd once again. Not only did I write my letter to him but I also borrowed a letter that Mick wrote (BTW, thanks Mick!) for several ladies that wanted him to write a letter to their husbands explaining why they needed to live in this life that we are craving so badly. In this letter I told him that I needed his guidance and that I needed him to keep me accountable in several different aspects of my/our life. Mind you, most people think I have it pretty well all together. I have been running an in-home business for nearly 15 years, S and I have been together for nearly 17 years.... we have 2 kids that most think are pretty great (not perfect, but great! ;o)) Blah, blah, blah.... we have a good life. I am the one that makes it look like it runs like a well oiled machine. There are just a few personal things I'd like to have help working on.
S came to me yesterday morning and told me that he would be willing to work on this lifestyle that I'm asking for... but it's a mind thing that is his hurdle at the present. Actually that was his hurdle when we attempting it before. He doesn't like the idea of hurting me. I totally get that.... I don't really want him to hurt me either!lol It finally came to me last night after a bit of play... I'm one of those women who, during the day, are very dominant, take the bull by the horns, delegating, in charge of every little detail in my day type of person. If it needs to get done, it gets done and I'm usually the person to do it. At night, after the work day is over, I need to not be the "boss". I need to have someone to make me accountable to, someone else be the boss, so to speak.
I need help making sure that I exercise daily. It's so easy to, after working hard all day, cooking supper for the family to collapse into a heap and call it a day... I need to make it important to get up and walk for like 30 min. after dinner and then collapse! I've been meaning to... know I need to... but it doesn't get done. I also need help making sure that I make a menu out for our dinners in our home. I don't want to meticulously plan 7 course meals every day.... but I'd like to at least make out a weekly plan as to what the main dish will be, then I can figure out the sides on the fly. I feel that if I had a plan that it would not only take stress off my day because I can just take care of dinner instead of having to figure out what to have. It would also keep us from eating out as much... which isn't great for our health or our wallet!
I'd also like to have an incentive to clean up my mouth. I think that the person that sat down and decided that there were "bad" words, and what they were, should be taken out and shot... but that is a story for another time. Anyway, I'd like to have an incentive not to use the curse words that just slip out every once in a while... Oh, and I also need for him to curb my bad habit of volunteering (me/us) for stuff without getting his ok first. He was VERY ok with this one!
One other thing that I'd like him to make sure that I do is make sure to take a shower every evening before going to bed. I know this sounds so stupid... I know I'm grown and that I should be able to do this on my own... but don't we all get a little lazy sometimes and would rather just collapse into bed at the end of a hectic day instead of taking that few extra minutes to take a shower. Yes, I could just take my shower in the morning but....unless it's something spontaneous, I don't enjoy being intimate unless I'm freshly showered. This means that if I'm too lazy to take a shower... then I'm sending him a signal to stay on his side of the bed. I don't want to do that anymore. I want him to not only be the king of his castle, but also the king of his bed. If he decides to come over to my side, I want him to feel like he can. Don't get me wrong.... I can still say "no"... I'm not giving up any rights.... I just want to be available to my husband if he is needing a bit of TLC.
Not such a horrible list, right? I'm willing to be able to go to him and tell him if I have I've slipped and it's his right to what he thinks is fair. I even gave him a list of possible punishments that aren't necessarily "painful" but would definitely get the point across!
I'll keep everyone posted....sorry this ended up so long.....
I think most men have that same hurdle, not wanting to hurt us. Mine did and sometimes still struggles with it. Wish I had some great advice on how to get them past that, but alas, I do not, lol.
ReplyDeleteLOL Thanks... but I know that as soon as you have found this "holy grail" in the spanking world, you will share!!! ;o) I know I will if I find it!! *giggling*
DeleteLOL Mikki...that wasn't long at all and it's a perfectly reasonable list with concrete things which I hope helps him.
ReplyDeleteDo keep us posted. I really hope he finds some encouragement in trying this again.
Thanks.... I kind of think of it like quitting smoking... every time you try you come a bit closer to succeeding! LOL xx
Deletei think along with the HURTING there's also the issue of them worrying that we'll end up broken and with no more will of our own. I'm a strong willed stubborn woman. I think the people who are closest and dearest to me value my headstrong determined nature. Perhaps a man who is asked to be my Dom will immediately worry that I will suddenly become an entirely different person and THAT might be also what's not sitting so well with them.
ReplyDeleteWow... that is some serious insight that I honestly never even thought of! I, too, am a strong willed stubborn woman and never even thought of that point... guess because I'm hard headed and stubborn! ;o)
DeleteThank you for the different perspective! Definitely a post topic, I'm sure!
So, you told him what to punish you for and how to punish you. Youre still in charge obviously. You ' SUBMISSIVE' women are all something else! Grow up and learn to shower, excercise, and cook.
ReplyDeleteYou know, my knee jerk reaction was to say "screw you" and delete your comment... but then I thought someone might be able to enlighten you. Yes, I am a submissive woman, however I was not telling him how to punish me or what to punish me for. What I asked for was GUIDANCE... I am a strong woman who takes care of everyone else in my life except for myself... and I know that there are so many other women out there that need to learn to take care of ourselves. I know how to shower, and to exercise and to do all of the other things on that list... but what I'd like is to be reminded by someone who loves me how important it really is to take care of myself.
ReplyDeleteBTW, it's very easy to sit there at your computer and anonymously slam people... you are a very nifty kinda guy!
Mikki, I think, no scratch that, I know that some of the most powerful women also practice ttwd/dd. There is no greater comfort then for a woman to have husband hold her accountable. It brings a certain closeness into a relationship. The husband is showing that he cares and is interested by taking an active leadership role. He is noticing the little things that you are doing, like being too tired to shower or go for a walk. He cares enough about you to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Most women are so busy taking care of everyone else that we don't take the time for ourselves. With DD, the husband holds us accountable. I like to turn to my husband and allow him to lead after a day of making decisions about everything and anything, business and family. It takes a very strong woman to submit by choice.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some kind of advice for you for your husband. We were playing the spanking scene before DD, yet my husband had a hard time spanking for punishment. HE GOT OVER THAT :( It took a lot of trying and starting over till we found what worked for us. Having our roles identified has also helped with the arguments and dd has improved our marriage more than 31/2 years of marriage counseling. Reading blogs like Mick's and other men helped us a lot.
Well you have a new reader to your blog and I will be looking forward to your progress.
Take care
Nice to meet you! I totally agree with you! It's also very funny that you should talk about you and your husband starting the spanking thing first because that is kind of where we are starting. During our intimate fun time his is try his hand at spanking... becoming more and more confident... I'm thinking that will help alot... also we are both treading on such relatively new waters that as hard as it is to go to him and ask for him to start spanking me, how scary would it be to be a man and be asked to preform something that he isn't really comfortable with... I'm thinking that we have some fun practice sessions ahead! ;o)
DeleteGood luck, Mikki! I hope that it goes well for both of you.
ReplyDelete