I recently noticed I have a lurker reading my post...
He's not a guy that would have been noticed on your site unless he would have posted, I know, none of them are noticed unless they post! LOL
I think he has been hanging around here more than we know...
I was really surprised to see he had been here,
He has always made fun of me for blogging...
I have sent him invitations.... after invitation... but no bites.
I wish he would post something, if for no other reason than sometimes to just say hi...
To just say "I'm here.... watching you..."
To say "I'm interested in what your writing... "
It very much excites me to know he is watching me... reading what I'm writing without telling me he's here...
I like that he is interested in what is going on in my head, he is interested in everything else in me... ;o)
I happened to walk into the room this afternoon... totally unexpected ... he was getting up out of his chair, with my blog on his laptop... I saw it... I was instantly the happiest little blogger in the whole wide world!!!
I don't know why S doesn't want me to know he is reading my blog, and I don't know how much of it he has read, but I'm very happy he has arrived!!
So, S, if your reading this.... will you please "Join" my blog?? We don't have to talk about it... I just think it would be cool if you would... I love you...
To the sexiest lurker ever!!! **kisses**
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
It's putting a Kink in my Kink!
We aren't spring chickens... we are in our early to mid 40's. 40's is not really that old. Well it might be, if your not there yet... but if you are older than that you might think that it's not old at all. It is if you feel old. It's not me, I'm fine... maybe a bit overweight, but I'm feeling great! It's S.. he is feeling and looking pretty old these days! He has had surgery in the past, and is in need of surgery again, he has so much pain... and it's getting worse. It started out that he was kinda gimping around... not able to do stuff that he was able to do, now he's an old man that just doesn't have the same spring in his step that he used to.
Now it's effecting our bedroom. Without going into much detail... I will say that since we have started ttwd, we have been intimate nearly every night... there have been like 3 nights that we hadn't, but I'm serious... we have been little bunnies. I will also say that not every night did we hang from the chandelier...but intimate unlike we ever were before Dd. Back in the day we were getting with it if we were intimate 2or3 times a month!! Not kidding! TTWD has effected us that much.. neither of us want to see this leave our life! We are both very happy with our "new" relationship.
His health issue is putting a kink in our kink! I'm very understanding, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it! I miss my husband. He is good for like every other day. Last night was not one of the good nights. I do have self control... I have zero intention of leaving the wonderful man that I have because every other night he has to roll over and go to sleep. Till death do us part! If we never had sex again, I would still love him... you don't have to have sex to have passion and intimacy. It just scares me... I am horrified that we will go back to 2 or 3 times a month.
One of our dear friends kiwigirliegirl has been struggling this week. TTWD isn't working the way she would like for it to work. I think we all have been there a time or two. When our HOH isn't as consistent as we think they should be. When we really think they needs to come down on us for messing up and it ends up just another day. It can be very frustrating!! You might even get hurt feeling, feeling neglected, feeling like your are forcing ttwd down their throats. I know I feel like that sometimes!
So the question comes to mind.... how does a girl stay submissive when her man is down? Or not home, as I know there are a few of you who's hubby travels quite a bit. I know S doesn't feel like spanking me, it hurts to move. I can't ask him to spank me, not even on one of the good days. I don't think I would turn it down should he tell me to bend over... but it's not looking good for a while.
I think that in order to get my head wrapped around this whole submissive thing... I need to define submission. According to Wikipedia, Submission is the acknowledgment of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior . So, according to that, just by saying he is my HOH, acting submissive, being submissive.... makes him the HOH. It doesn't say in there that he has to spank me for him to have power over me... it is merely my consenting to him being my leader makes him my leader... and I will follow. Whether he has the physical power to spank me or not.
I have to say that this has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past also. I don't necessarily like being spanked (ok, admittedly the occasional erotic type is wonderful) and so I have struggled how to be submissive and not be spanked. I really struggled with this whole thing till he couldn't spank me. I'm not any less respectful... I don't not do what is expected of me because I don't have the looming punishment over my head. When he was physically able to spank I needed him to be consistent and spank when I was out of line. Now that he is unable to spank... I'm not disrespectful, mouthy, blah, blah... any of the other things that I have gotten spanked for in the past.
So does this mean that I don't really need the spankings, that I really do know how to act?? I don't know...it may mean that I have matured and have learned how to act.. it may mean that I like being spanked and didn't really know it!! LOL
I love him... will follow him to the ends of the earth.... and do what ever he needs me to do....but I also know that his kink is putting a kink in our kink.
Now it's effecting our bedroom. Without going into much detail... I will say that since we have started ttwd, we have been intimate nearly every night... there have been like 3 nights that we hadn't, but I'm serious... we have been little bunnies. I will also say that not every night did we hang from the chandelier...but intimate unlike we ever were before Dd. Back in the day we were getting with it if we were intimate 2or3 times a month!! Not kidding! TTWD has effected us that much.. neither of us want to see this leave our life! We are both very happy with our "new" relationship.
His health issue is putting a kink in our kink! I'm very understanding, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it! I miss my husband. He is good for like every other day. Last night was not one of the good nights. I do have self control... I have zero intention of leaving the wonderful man that I have because every other night he has to roll over and go to sleep. Till death do us part! If we never had sex again, I would still love him... you don't have to have sex to have passion and intimacy. It just scares me... I am horrified that we will go back to 2 or 3 times a month.
One of our dear friends kiwigirliegirl has been struggling this week. TTWD isn't working the way she would like for it to work. I think we all have been there a time or two. When our HOH isn't as consistent as we think they should be. When we really think they needs to come down on us for messing up and it ends up just another day. It can be very frustrating!! You might even get hurt feeling, feeling neglected, feeling like your are forcing ttwd down their throats. I know I feel like that sometimes!
So the question comes to mind.... how does a girl stay submissive when her man is down? Or not home, as I know there are a few of you who's hubby travels quite a bit. I know S doesn't feel like spanking me, it hurts to move. I can't ask him to spank me, not even on one of the good days. I don't think I would turn it down should he tell me to bend over... but it's not looking good for a while.
I think that in order to get my head wrapped around this whole submissive thing... I need to define submission. According to Wikipedia, Submission is the acknowledgment of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior . So, according to that, just by saying he is my HOH, acting submissive, being submissive.... makes him the HOH. It doesn't say in there that he has to spank me for him to have power over me... it is merely my consenting to him being my leader makes him my leader... and I will follow. Whether he has the physical power to spank me or not.
I have to say that this has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past also. I don't necessarily like being spanked (ok, admittedly the occasional erotic type is wonderful) and so I have struggled how to be submissive and not be spanked. I really struggled with this whole thing till he couldn't spank me. I'm not any less respectful... I don't not do what is expected of me because I don't have the looming punishment over my head. When he was physically able to spank I needed him to be consistent and spank when I was out of line. Now that he is unable to spank... I'm not disrespectful, mouthy, blah, blah... any of the other things that I have gotten spanked for in the past.
So does this mean that I don't really need the spankings, that I really do know how to act?? I don't know...it may mean that I have matured and have learned how to act.. it may mean that I like being spanked and didn't really know it!! LOL
I love him... will follow him to the ends of the earth.... and do what ever he needs me to do....but I also know that his kink is putting a kink in our kink.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Surprise Maintenance Spanking
"The kids are down at the neighbors for a while..."
"Oh... ok...." not really thinking much of it.... having just put the groceries away... piddling a bit.
"It's time for your maintenance spanking...don't you think..." guiding me to our bedroom.
"Oh, well, yeah, ok, I guess... yeah, uhmm...yeah, we could do that" Like I had a choice... by the time I gave him 'permission' to do what he was going to do whether I wanted him to or not, I was entering our bedroom... being guided to our bed... bent over his side of our bed. I bared my behind to him... buried my face in our bed. I could smell his cologne... the sun had been beaming on that spot, it was so warm... smelled so good.
Whack... whack... whack... no nice warm up... I finally remembered to count my swats. Not out loud, just counted them to get some sort of idea as to what I can take, compared to some of the ones I read about here. He spanked me with his hand... I love being spanked with his hand, but I know it can hurt and I don't want it to hurt his hand. I think he did this because he knows I like it that way.. that I hate implements. I don't want it to hurt him, not only because I don't want him to hurt, but I also don't want it to keep him from wanting to keep doing ttwd.
I got 12... wow... done in less than like 30 seconds. I just laid there... breathing hard... he rubbed my heated behind and asked "So, is that enough for you to remember who is who"
"Wow... yeah.... that was enough..." I got up, turned around and put my arms around his neck and hugged him... he is my hero. "Thank you so much... that was just what I needed... I'll remember... I love you"
"Good... I love you too" He hugged me back... nice and tight. Usually after a spanking it goes directly into a very hot session that husbands and wives are supposed to enjoy. Today that is going to be delayed by the fact that the kids could come home, literally, at any moment. I think we were both ok with that.
I love this man. He is not a perfect man, but he isn't married to a perfect woman. He isn't as consistent as I probably would have wanted him to when we first started ttwd, but for now, what happens happens. The private time that we have because of our kids is ok... we wouldn't have it any other way. If we had way more private time right now that would mean that our kids wouldn't be around, and that isn't what either of us want right now. There is a time and a place for everything... and the time right now is to raise our kids. We love the time we get...and cherish it. I think that is fine for now.
God is so good. He gave me this man... he gave me our kids... he gives me each day. I am thankful for every blessing that is bestowed on me and my family.
I couldn't have painted a lovelier life right now if I had done it myself!
"Oh... ok...." not really thinking much of it.... having just put the groceries away... piddling a bit.
"It's time for your maintenance spanking...don't you think..." guiding me to our bedroom.
"Oh, well, yeah, ok, I guess... yeah, uhmm...yeah, we could do that" Like I had a choice... by the time I gave him 'permission' to do what he was going to do whether I wanted him to or not, I was entering our bedroom... being guided to our bed... bent over his side of our bed. I bared my behind to him... buried my face in our bed. I could smell his cologne... the sun had been beaming on that spot, it was so warm... smelled so good.
Whack... whack... whack... no nice warm up... I finally remembered to count my swats. Not out loud, just counted them to get some sort of idea as to what I can take, compared to some of the ones I read about here. He spanked me with his hand... I love being spanked with his hand, but I know it can hurt and I don't want it to hurt his hand. I think he did this because he knows I like it that way.. that I hate implements. I don't want it to hurt him, not only because I don't want him to hurt, but I also don't want it to keep him from wanting to keep doing ttwd.
I got 12... wow... done in less than like 30 seconds. I just laid there... breathing hard... he rubbed my heated behind and asked "So, is that enough for you to remember who is who"
"Wow... yeah.... that was enough..." I got up, turned around and put my arms around his neck and hugged him... he is my hero. "Thank you so much... that was just what I needed... I'll remember... I love you"
"Good... I love you too" He hugged me back... nice and tight. Usually after a spanking it goes directly into a very hot session that husbands and wives are supposed to enjoy. Today that is going to be delayed by the fact that the kids could come home, literally, at any moment. I think we were both ok with that.
I love this man. He is not a perfect man, but he isn't married to a perfect woman. He isn't as consistent as I probably would have wanted him to when we first started ttwd, but for now, what happens happens. The private time that we have because of our kids is ok... we wouldn't have it any other way. If we had way more private time right now that would mean that our kids wouldn't be around, and that isn't what either of us want right now. There is a time and a place for everything... and the time right now is to raise our kids. We love the time we get...and cherish it. I think that is fine for now.
God is so good. He gave me this man... he gave me our kids... he gives me each day. I am thankful for every blessing that is bestowed on me and my family.
I couldn't have painted a lovelier life right now if I had done it myself!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thank you for being my Cyber Family!!
This week has been such a hard week in Blogland!! Stormy is such a gifted writer... we all care so much about what happens with her and her family! We all care so much for her and the tough time that they are having it has given me writers block... no, it's not her fault that I don't know what to write about... I have just been so caught up in the feelings and the emotions that go with having a blog.
We lay our thoughts, feeling and opinions out on the line for people to either comment on kindly or be stomped on. I've only had a couple of freaks comment on my posts and so I just deleted them. Those are not the posts I want to address. I want to address all of the wonderful people who follow and comment on my blog!
I want to say thank you to all of you wonderful people who make me feel understood. So many times in ttwd its hard to find people in real life that we can talk to about the things we struggle with. How hard would it be to talk to my mom ( who is a dear friend who I share most everything with) that S isn't consistently spanking like I think he should. She would have a fit!!! My best friend if she knew that I consider S the boss and his hand always wins. She may have me committed!!
You dear ladies... yes, there are a few men... are my extended family, weather you want to be or not!! LOL You are the people who I can spill my guts to... tell my most intimate thoughts to... cry on your shoulder and celebrate in wonderful break throughs!! You don't care where I live, what I do, who I know or anything... you read what I write... you feel it... you still care for me... I care for you because of it! Better in some ways than real life family. I'm not talking about our kids and our husbands... I'm talking about the other family members that we have who are so judgmental
Now don't get me wrong... I love my family... all of them... but there is a difference between love and like. I have a sister who fights with everyone. If it were just me, I'd look deep and think maybe it is me. She can't get along with my other siblings... our parents... extended family members are not out of her venomous reach. She is even in her early 40's and she is on her 4th marriage. She is not easy to get along with. We all have people in our lives like her... I'm sad to say.
Then there are my dear friends here in Blogland. You are so compassionate... kind... caring...thoughtful. Full of advice... things to consider... reaffirmations... you are all so good to me. I know we all care about each other... a bunch of friends sitting around, drinking coffee.. chatting about ttwd... learning about the best way to submit to our HOH.... and all the other wonderful things there are to know about DD. Less than a year ago we started our journey down this road and I have learned so much from all of you! It would have taken a lifetime to learn everything that I have learned from you dear friends in this short time.
With all the emotions floating around here these days... helping our friends with their struggles... and I just want to say thank you for all the help you have given me... in my struggles with ttwd... in all the confusion... I know where to go when I need to get an honest heartfelt answer.
Thank you for being my Cyber Family! You all rock!!! **huge hugs**
We lay our thoughts, feeling and opinions out on the line for people to either comment on kindly or be stomped on. I've only had a couple of freaks comment on my posts and so I just deleted them. Those are not the posts I want to address. I want to address all of the wonderful people who follow and comment on my blog!
I want to say thank you to all of you wonderful people who make me feel understood. So many times in ttwd its hard to find people in real life that we can talk to about the things we struggle with. How hard would it be to talk to my mom ( who is a dear friend who I share most everything with) that S isn't consistently spanking like I think he should. She would have a fit!!! My best friend if she knew that I consider S the boss and his hand always wins. She may have me committed!!
You dear ladies... yes, there are a few men... are my extended family, weather you want to be or not!! LOL You are the people who I can spill my guts to... tell my most intimate thoughts to... cry on your shoulder and celebrate in wonderful break throughs!! You don't care where I live, what I do, who I know or anything... you read what I write... you feel it... you still care for me... I care for you because of it! Better in some ways than real life family. I'm not talking about our kids and our husbands... I'm talking about the other family members that we have who are so judgmental
Now don't get me wrong... I love my family... all of them... but there is a difference between love and like. I have a sister who fights with everyone. If it were just me, I'd look deep and think maybe it is me. She can't get along with my other siblings... our parents... extended family members are not out of her venomous reach. She is even in her early 40's and she is on her 4th marriage. She is not easy to get along with. We all have people in our lives like her... I'm sad to say.
Then there are my dear friends here in Blogland. You are so compassionate... kind... caring...thoughtful. Full of advice... things to consider... reaffirmations... you are all so good to me. I know we all care about each other... a bunch of friends sitting around, drinking coffee.. chatting about ttwd... learning about the best way to submit to our HOH.... and all the other wonderful things there are to know about DD. Less than a year ago we started our journey down this road and I have learned so much from all of you! It would have taken a lifetime to learn everything that I have learned from you dear friends in this short time.
With all the emotions floating around here these days... helping our friends with their struggles... and I just want to say thank you for all the help you have given me... in my struggles with ttwd... in all the confusion... I know where to go when I need to get an honest heartfelt answer.
Thank you for being my Cyber Family! You all rock!!! **huge hugs**
Sunday, October 16, 2011
How long is too long??
Ok... I'm the last person to get onto anyone for forgetting something. When I had my babies, it seems that they have sucked my memory right out of my body. Serious.. I don't seem to remember anything anymore. I have to have a list. My lists have lists. My son can't remember anything either so my daughter must have taken the whole damn thing!! I tell him... do it when you are told to do it, if you don't, you'll forget... then you'll find yourself in trouble. Does he listen? He's in trouble a lot for forgetting. I don't know who I'm more irritated with, him not doing what he is supposed to do or me for giving him the gene that causes all my irritation.
Well, not all my irritation. I didn't give birth to S... and he doesn't seem to have much of a memory either. Last Thursday I emailed him, told him that I had gained, blah, blah... was asking for his help in making sure it didn't happen again. Told him I wrote him an email. Asked if he read it...nope.. I'll read it tomorrow... tomorrow finally happened today, and its only Sunday. HHmmm.... I'm not impressed.
No, I'm not mad, my feelings have already run the gambit. Happy, mad, sad, glad, irritated... blah, blah....
I had a fit this weekend. It was actually one of my first major fits since we started ttwd. Not bad if I do say so myself... been doing ttwd for nearly a year. The fit was over my thinking he should have looked into a good deal on merchandise that would have saved us a chunk of change. I knew it would go fast and I told him of it and he wasn't interested in even looking at it.. with no reason. I work really hard myself, not only on the job but also as the House Manager, making every penny spread as far as a nickle, and he decides that it's not important to save this considerable amount of money... this was Thursday. Saturday I had a meltdown.. just wanted to know why... it really isn't my business since I know he is the HOH... and I know I am to answer to him...
It's so much easier to be submissive when things are going my way!
Well.... it seems that S has finally read my email. He meant to spank me this afternoon but the kids were around. I think he has a paddle in his hand right now watching his show... waiting for me to be done... and his show to be over. HHmmm... a smart girl would keep typing forever. LOL
I told him he couldn't spank me now for my gain... it's too late. We didn't discuss it... he wasn't interested.
I also told him that when you forget a spanking or forget to read an email, that it translates to me that you forgot about me... he says he could never forget about me.... hhmmm
So how late is too late... how long is too long...
Well, not all my irritation. I didn't give birth to S... and he doesn't seem to have much of a memory either. Last Thursday I emailed him, told him that I had gained, blah, blah... was asking for his help in making sure it didn't happen again. Told him I wrote him an email. Asked if he read it...nope.. I'll read it tomorrow... tomorrow finally happened today, and its only Sunday. HHmmm.... I'm not impressed.
No, I'm not mad, my feelings have already run the gambit. Happy, mad, sad, glad, irritated... blah, blah....
I had a fit this weekend. It was actually one of my first major fits since we started ttwd. Not bad if I do say so myself... been doing ttwd for nearly a year. The fit was over my thinking he should have looked into a good deal on merchandise that would have saved us a chunk of change. I knew it would go fast and I told him of it and he wasn't interested in even looking at it.. with no reason. I work really hard myself, not only on the job but also as the House Manager, making every penny spread as far as a nickle, and he decides that it's not important to save this considerable amount of money... this was Thursday. Saturday I had a meltdown.. just wanted to know why... it really isn't my business since I know he is the HOH... and I know I am to answer to him...
It's so much easier to be submissive when things are going my way!
Well.... it seems that S has finally read my email. He meant to spank me this afternoon but the kids were around. I think he has a paddle in his hand right now watching his show... waiting for me to be done... and his show to be over. HHmmm... a smart girl would keep typing forever. LOL
I told him he couldn't spank me now for my gain... it's too late. We didn't discuss it... he wasn't interested.
I also told him that when you forget a spanking or forget to read an email, that it translates to me that you forgot about me... he says he could never forget about me.... hhmmm
So how late is too late... how long is too long...
Friday, October 14, 2011
Update on last night's spanking...
"Are you reading your email?" It took all the power I had in myself to ask him.
"Yeah, " nothing more said
"Oh, ok... good" Dang... there's no looking back now... I thought about going to his email and deleting my message to him.
The rest of the evening was quiet... I tucked the kids in... had a nice quiet evening of watching TV and reading blogs... waiting for S to take me to the other room to spank as I had requested.
9:30pm came... a half hour or so earlier than usual...I couldn't take it any longer... I was ready for this spanking to be done and over.
"I'm ready to head to bed... how about you?" After taking a deep breath... ready for the worst.
"Oh, ok... I'm good with that"
Disappointed... relieved... angry... elated... neglected.... forgiven.... all these went through my head in the few minutes that it took me to shut everything off and lock the doors. We went to bed... I didn't know if I wanted to make love... but it wasn't my call.. and I'm ok with that. I had been angry earlier in the day at S. This very rarely happens. He asked me if I was mad at him and I lied... said no, I wan't mad. I decided to take out all my frustration out on him... we made mad, passionate love, he definitely knows how to bring me back to where I need to be.
Laying there, hot and sweaty... holding each other... I knew what I had to do.
"I lied to you today" No words harder to say...
"What?? When? Why?"...
"I'm sorry...earlier today when you asked me if I was mad at you... I said no... I really was."
"Oh..." silence.
"I'm not telling you this so that you fix what I was mad at... I don't want to tell you what to do.... that's not why I am telling you. I'm telling you because I don't want to have a lie between us. I'm sorry... I love you".. wincing... not knowing what was to come. I guess I told for a couple of reasons... first... full disclosure. Second... maybe to jump start what was supposed to happen earlier.
"Oh, well that's ok, I love you too" He held me tight, kissed my forehead, rolled over to turn off the light... signalling it was time to go to sleep... time for his short back scratch that he gets every night. Instantly I was livid... twice in one night... Once I get... twice.. guess we really aren't doing ttwd... guess "we" aren't going to be consitant... guess... then it dawned on me...
"Did you check both of your emails?? "... aauugghhh.... yep, I forgot, he has 2... one school, one public.
"No, I only checked school, why, did you send me something??" I'm not allowed to send hot stuff to school...he thinks they might monitor it...
"Yeah, I did" growling at myself
"Cool... I'll get it tomorrow... thanks"
Are you freaking kidding me?? All those emotions... in such a small time frame.... aauuggghhhhh. How could I be so stupid?? You know... I just realized I still have time to go delete that email still yet!!
"Yeah, " nothing more said
"Oh, ok... good" Dang... there's no looking back now... I thought about going to his email and deleting my message to him.
The rest of the evening was quiet... I tucked the kids in... had a nice quiet evening of watching TV and reading blogs... waiting for S to take me to the other room to spank as I had requested.
9:30pm came... a half hour or so earlier than usual...I couldn't take it any longer... I was ready for this spanking to be done and over.
"I'm ready to head to bed... how about you?" After taking a deep breath... ready for the worst.
"Oh, ok... I'm good with that"
Disappointed... relieved... angry... elated... neglected.... forgiven.... all these went through my head in the few minutes that it took me to shut everything off and lock the doors. We went to bed... I didn't know if I wanted to make love... but it wasn't my call.. and I'm ok with that. I had been angry earlier in the day at S. This very rarely happens. He asked me if I was mad at him and I lied... said no, I wan't mad. I decided to take out all my frustration out on him... we made mad, passionate love, he definitely knows how to bring me back to where I need to be.
Laying there, hot and sweaty... holding each other... I knew what I had to do.
"I lied to you today" No words harder to say...
"What?? When? Why?"...
"I'm sorry...earlier today when you asked me if I was mad at you... I said no... I really was."
"Oh..." silence.
"I'm not telling you this so that you fix what I was mad at... I don't want to tell you what to do.... that's not why I am telling you. I'm telling you because I don't want to have a lie between us. I'm sorry... I love you".. wincing... not knowing what was to come. I guess I told for a couple of reasons... first... full disclosure. Second... maybe to jump start what was supposed to happen earlier.
"Oh, well that's ok, I love you too" He held me tight, kissed my forehead, rolled over to turn off the light... signalling it was time to go to sleep... time for his short back scratch that he gets every night. Instantly I was livid... twice in one night... Once I get... twice.. guess we really aren't doing ttwd... guess "we" aren't going to be consitant... guess... then it dawned on me...
"Did you check both of your emails?? "... aauugghhh.... yep, I forgot, he has 2... one school, one public.
"No, I only checked school, why, did you send me something??" I'm not allowed to send hot stuff to school...he thinks they might monitor it...
"Yeah, I did" growling at myself
"Cool... I'll get it tomorrow... thanks"
Are you freaking kidding me?? All those emotions... in such a small time frame.... aauuggghhhhh. How could I be so stupid?? You know... I just realized I still have time to go delete that email still yet!!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
This is gonna suck!
This post was an email that I sent to S. I hate that I had to send it, but I had asked him to keep me accountable for my eating program. I lost weight last week... we were very excited... but this week we had a couple of parties to attend... I guess I never got back on the "wagon". I really hated to send this as, if you follow this blog, I don't like receiving spankings.
Hey baby!
How is your day today? I hope better than yesterday! I think we both got punched in the belly yesterday with the prospect that your/our life may change for a while, as we know it! I think that if you talk to Xxxx about it tomorrow it will at least help us to know where you/we are gonna stand. I hope he is able to work with you in all of this! I really do feel like God is gonna take care of us... we will probably even be better off for it!
*deep breath* I didn't really want to bring this up.. but I need to be held accountable for my gain this week. I know, everybody does it... we could brush it under the table... but I need be held accountable. I need a spanking for my gain this week. If we don't follow through with this I won't take my eating program seriously... and will never get healthy. I need a spanking tonight and I need a hard one. Use what ever you want... I just need to know that I've been spanked. I need it to be a spanking I don't want to repeat. I'm sure the rec room will be fine... it will give us more room...
If you want me to find an implement for you... let me know. I know we have several paddles...we also have your belt, wooden spoons...let me know what you would like me to get to prepare. I want to make you happy... and I know that having to spank me tonight is really not gonna make you happy. I'm sorry. I know you have way too much on your mind to have to bring me back to where I need to be. Hopefully next week I'll be able to make better decisions.
This hasn't been an easy note to write... I'd much rather forget about it... I know you would too... but I have to have an incentive to lose this weight, to get healthy for you and me and our family. Evidently the weight loss itself isn't enough incentive.
I love you S! I want to be the best wife I can be for you! I want to make you happy... I want us to be happy!
I love you!! You are the love of my life!
Mikki
I'm very nervous after having sent this... my behind may never be the same!
Hey baby!
How is your day today? I hope better than yesterday! I think we both got punched in the belly yesterday with the prospect that your/our life may change for a while, as we know it! I think that if you talk to Xxxx about it tomorrow it will at least help us to know where you/we are gonna stand. I hope he is able to work with you in all of this! I really do feel like God is gonna take care of us... we will probably even be better off for it!
*deep breath* I didn't really want to bring this up.. but I need to be held accountable for my gain this week. I know, everybody does it... we could brush it under the table... but I need be held accountable. I need a spanking for my gain this week. If we don't follow through with this I won't take my eating program seriously... and will never get healthy. I need a spanking tonight and I need a hard one. Use what ever you want... I just need to know that I've been spanked. I need it to be a spanking I don't want to repeat. I'm sure the rec room will be fine... it will give us more room...
If you want me to find an implement for you... let me know. I know we have several paddles...we also have your belt, wooden spoons...let me know what you would like me to get to prepare. I want to make you happy... and I know that having to spank me tonight is really not gonna make you happy. I'm sorry. I know you have way too much on your mind to have to bring me back to where I need to be. Hopefully next week I'll be able to make better decisions.
This hasn't been an easy note to write... I'd much rather forget about it... I know you would too... but I have to have an incentive to lose this weight, to get healthy for you and me and our family. Evidently the weight loss itself isn't enough incentive.
I love you S! I want to be the best wife I can be for you! I want to make you happy... I want us to be happy!
I love you!! You are the love of my life!
Mikki
I'm very nervous after having sent this... my behind may never be the same!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
He Gives Me Butterflies...
Sometimes the simplest things in life bring us pleasure.
We were headed home, he in his truck, me in my minivan, I was following him... it was a beautiful fall afternoon. The sun was shining... the birds were singing. The cool fall breeze was running through the van...it was so nice. The kids were asleep... the music was playing fairly loudly... life was very good.
Then it happened... I fell in lust all over again with my husband. I was watching him in his mirror... waiting for him to look at me so I could wave at him... and I just kept watching him...his strong jawline, his graying beard, his cool sunglasses that protect his milk chocolate eyes. What a hot man I fell in love with. Then it happened... he looked back at me, I waved, he waved back, I could have melted right then and there! I felt like a young high school girl who just found feelings down that way that she has never felt before! Oh the things I'd like to do to the man driving that truck.
I know that I always sound like I'm a constant advertisement for ttwd... I just can't tell you how different our marriage is since we have decided that S is the boss and I answer to him. Since he calls the shots and I make sure that it gets done. He is the King and I am his Queen.. and I'm very proud of the choice we have made.
Yeah, sometimes I feel the need to argue... it wouldn't do any good. He would just show me who the boss is. I'll tell you what though, now that we are doing ttwd... when he kisses me... the lips on my face are not the only part of me that gets moist.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Guide me...
I think we are all always looking for a new turn on... a new fix...a new something that arouses us the way we haven't before! When you are married for 15 years in a ho-hum life and all of a sudden have found the answers to prayers.... it's all a turn on! A lot of times you see, hear or smell something that is totally non sexual and it turn you on beyond any reason!!
Yesterday a friend emailed me and asked if I had a certain movie in our collection of DVD so I got the case out and browsed. After seeing that I didn't have it, I set it on the floor beside me to put away later. S looked up from his work and said "put it away..now"... to most that seems a mundane sentence and it might not mean anything more than face value... but to me it spoke volumes!!!
First, I'm not one that leaves things laying around, so he wasn't concerned that I was cluttering up the house.
Second, he doesn't concern himself with how the house looks so why would he start with this pack of movies?
He was flexing his HOH muscle... at least that is how I took it. It's quite a turn on for me... coming from a man who, in the past, has not been the guy even remotely attached to domestic stuff... that would be me included.
He was guiding me... he was seeing just how serious I was about 24/7 D/d... I am very serious, so I smiled at him, a knowing smile.... he kinda raised his eyebrow as if it say "Well?.." I got up.. put the case away, not a word was said. I had warm little butterflies... and I honestly think that was a very important point where I could have built or broke his confidence. I try to make sure that I ask him his permission/opinion on issues that I think he might want to be included in. He doesn't micromanage me and my time. If he happens to be there when something comes up, I'll ask his opinion... I never did before. I never asked because he always answered "I don't care"... so I quit asking. So much has changed for us since we started ttwd... both in and out of the bedroom!
I have come to realize that I really don't like spankings, not the punishment ones anyway. I will submit to them, but won't be doing anything to ask for one on purpose anyway. I have always done a decent job of keeping the house livable... not perfect, but I find myself trying to do a better job. This is one of the reasons that I needed ttwd... to be accountable...
I do so love him... and I'm so glad he's stepping up and being the man that I so crave so that I can be the woman that he so needs.
It's a process... sometimes not a very fast process... but I think we're going in the right direction! :o)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My First Punishment Spanking... YYeeoowwiieee
I guess I'm a wienie... I just am...
I don't like spankings... I love where it puts my head.
This morning I'm loving, submissive, settled.... last night I was thanking God for nice cool sheets to lay on for my burning bottom. I don't know how long he spanked me, not very. He took it easy on me... but was stern enough in that I knew I had been spanked.
I had never had a punishment spanking before... but right before he came and got me and led me to our laundry room... I was reading sugarsweethoney21 and God I hope it's fiction. She spoke of being spanked for like an hour... then he got serious... Auugghh!! Are you kidding me?? I probably got 12 swats with that hair brush and that was all I could take. It didn't help that he kept hitting the same two spots on either bun... but deciding not to try to top from the bottom.... I decided not to tell him how to do his job.
I think S is a spanko... he seemed to enjoy it a bit too much... his body gave him away as we went right to bed after the assault on my posterior... he obviously enjoyed it more than I did! ;o)
Anyway... we are better now.... I feel forgiven. I'm not trying to shove religion down anyone's throat... but I have to say that I'm so glad that my Heavenly Father forgives me without such a rule... I'd hate to have to get a spanking for every single wrong doing that I commit on a daily basis... How much harder would it be follow Him if it weren't so easy to ask for forgiveness!!
Even this morning my bum seems to have a bit of an ache to to... bless his heart, a girl has to wonder if he has done this sort of thing before!
I don't like spankings... I love where it puts my head.
This morning I'm loving, submissive, settled.... last night I was thanking God for nice cool sheets to lay on for my burning bottom. I don't know how long he spanked me, not very. He took it easy on me... but was stern enough in that I knew I had been spanked.
I had never had a punishment spanking before... but right before he came and got me and led me to our laundry room... I was reading sugarsweethoney21 and God I hope it's fiction. She spoke of being spanked for like an hour... then he got serious... Auugghh!! Are you kidding me?? I probably got 12 swats with that hair brush and that was all I could take. It didn't help that he kept hitting the same two spots on either bun... but deciding not to try to top from the bottom.... I decided not to tell him how to do his job.
I think S is a spanko... he seemed to enjoy it a bit too much... his body gave him away as we went right to bed after the assault on my posterior... he obviously enjoyed it more than I did! ;o)
Anyway... we are better now.... I feel forgiven. I'm not trying to shove religion down anyone's throat... but I have to say that I'm so glad that my Heavenly Father forgives me without such a rule... I'd hate to have to get a spanking for every single wrong doing that I commit on a daily basis... How much harder would it be follow Him if it weren't so easy to ask for forgiveness!!
Even this morning my bum seems to have a bit of an ache to to... bless his heart, a girl has to wonder if he has done this sort of thing before!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Consistency... everybody needs it...
"What time are you going to bed?"
"I don't know, what time did you want me to?" (no smile... no friendly bantering)
"9:00..."(it's 8:48)
"Hmmpphh... ok.... whatever..."
He could tell I wasn't impressed even before we got to the bedroom. I don't know how, but he read me like a book. Guess the book needs to tell him how to follow through... how his wife would be her wonderful, happy, smiling, flirty, settled self if he would learn how to follow through.
S was in bed before I was... I had to put a few dishes in the dishwasher on the way to bed... it always takes me a few more minutes than him to get there... finishing up the day... straightening up for the next day to begin. One of the few "rules" that we have is that I'm to ask when I come to bed if I should close the door. Before ttwd... there was very little sex.... very little anything besides sleeping in our bed. When we started this new lifestyle, my promise to him and myself was that I would ask him every night.... whether I really wanted to or not... ask him if I needed to shut the door. To spell it out...shutting the door meant that we would be intimate..have sex... be playful...be naked...be man and wife. Something that neither of us really put our heart and soul into before.
"Do you want me to shut the door?" (with as much affection as you would say to a pet rock... maybe less)
"Yeah, that would be fine."
I shut the door, went to my side of the bed and took my clothes off and got into bed. Went over to him... not really "wanting" to... but knowing that I want to be submissive... and how much more submissive can you be when going to him, and not really wanting to. We cuddled... touched... fondled.... made love more passionately than in some time. When we were done we were hot and sweaty... panting and exhausted. I felt so much better working out my frustration and up-setness out on him in such a productive way! ;o)
He held me... I do love being held... I was feeling better, still a bit neglected but I had decided that I was not going to tell him when I was to get my spanking. I had it coming... he is the boss. It is almost as painful waiting for the dang thing than actually getting spanked. My intention was to ask about it at some point... I was just waiting for the right moment.
"I'll give you your spanking tomorrow night, so get your head wrapped around it"
"Ok... if that is what you think is best". OMG.... I didn't even have to ask!
"So have you thought about when and where?"
"Tomorrow night... after the kids go to bed"
"In our room? Aren't you afraid the kids will here?"
"We'll go in the laundry room"
"Oh, ok... whatever you think is best" OMG... he has actually thought about this!!!
"I've not been keeping up on your spankings. We're going to change that"
I snuggled up to him even closer. Since we have been doing ttwd, I don't let myself get mad at him. I'm not going to say I don't get mad because I am a mom and I do deal with the public... so I do get yanked, just not at him. Most of the time when I deal with him I am sweet.... or at least I keep my head from spinning around at him. He doesn't like it when I'm not loving toward him. Tonight was one of those nights. He figured out quite quickly what I needed.
I'm really hoping that he figures out that the more consistent he is as my HOH.... the more consistent I'll be as his happy, loving, cuddly, submissive wife....
Maybe... just maybe!!
"I don't know, what time did you want me to?" (no smile... no friendly bantering)
"9:00..."(it's 8:48)
"Hmmpphh... ok.... whatever..."
He could tell I wasn't impressed even before we got to the bedroom. I don't know how, but he read me like a book. Guess the book needs to tell him how to follow through... how his wife would be her wonderful, happy, smiling, flirty, settled self if he would learn how to follow through.
S was in bed before I was... I had to put a few dishes in the dishwasher on the way to bed... it always takes me a few more minutes than him to get there... finishing up the day... straightening up for the next day to begin. One of the few "rules" that we have is that I'm to ask when I come to bed if I should close the door. Before ttwd... there was very little sex.... very little anything besides sleeping in our bed. When we started this new lifestyle, my promise to him and myself was that I would ask him every night.... whether I really wanted to or not... ask him if I needed to shut the door. To spell it out...shutting the door meant that we would be intimate..have sex... be playful...be naked...be man and wife. Something that neither of us really put our heart and soul into before.
"Do you want me to shut the door?" (with as much affection as you would say to a pet rock... maybe less)
"Yeah, that would be fine."
I shut the door, went to my side of the bed and took my clothes off and got into bed. Went over to him... not really "wanting" to... but knowing that I want to be submissive... and how much more submissive can you be when going to him, and not really wanting to. We cuddled... touched... fondled.... made love more passionately than in some time. When we were done we were hot and sweaty... panting and exhausted. I felt so much better working out my frustration and up-setness out on him in such a productive way! ;o)
He held me... I do love being held... I was feeling better, still a bit neglected but I had decided that I was not going to tell him when I was to get my spanking. I had it coming... he is the boss. It is almost as painful waiting for the dang thing than actually getting spanked. My intention was to ask about it at some point... I was just waiting for the right moment.
"I'll give you your spanking tomorrow night, so get your head wrapped around it"
"Ok... if that is what you think is best". OMG.... I didn't even have to ask!
"So have you thought about when and where?"
"Tomorrow night... after the kids go to bed"
"In our room? Aren't you afraid the kids will here?"
"We'll go in the laundry room"
"Oh, ok... whatever you think is best" OMG... he has actually thought about this!!!
"I've not been keeping up on your spankings. We're going to change that"
I snuggled up to him even closer. Since we have been doing ttwd, I don't let myself get mad at him. I'm not going to say I don't get mad because I am a mom and I do deal with the public... so I do get yanked, just not at him. Most of the time when I deal with him I am sweet.... or at least I keep my head from spinning around at him. He doesn't like it when I'm not loving toward him. Tonight was one of those nights. He figured out quite quickly what I needed.
I'm really hoping that he figures out that the more consistent he is as my HOH.... the more consistent I'll be as his happy, loving, cuddly, submissive wife....
Maybe... just maybe!!
Monday, October 3, 2011
I've done it this time......
I have to say first off... we really don't have any "rules"... my rules are kinda far and few between. If S has an opinion on something... he'll tell me not to do that in the future. For example, we know a couple who don't do great at managing their money. Every once in a while I will lend them money till payday. Now I know we aren't a payday load agency... but I don't mind helping people out if I can. They have never not paid us back.
The last time I loaned them any money, S wasn't happy... and told me not to do it again. That was two months ago. I was ok with that. The wife and I are great friends... her husband is kind of a jerk. S is kind enough to be nice to him when he's around.
The Jerk called me last Thursday and told me that his wife wouldn't be calling me till the following Monday because their phone was gonna be shut off, and they would be able to turn it back on Monday. I told him to tell her to come over and I could loan it to her for the weekend... no biggie. She is such a good friend... and the money problems were probably because of him... amazing what goes on in a person's head instead of what it is supposed to be remembering. I really hate to see people not have a phone in case of an emergency.
I honestly forgot! I really did... I'm not kidding... completely forgot... till I wrote the check.. and then there it was... I remembered. Dang it!
Now I had to tell S. There were a lot of thoughts that went through my mind. I thought of not telling him. I really did. For a spit second, but I did.
I told him the next evening... Oh and he wasn't happy, not one bit. I have to say, my husband is one of the most laid back people I have ever met. He rarely get's mad... but he was that night. He didn't even suggest a spanking, I almost wonder if he thought I did it to get a spanking. I felt so bad.
That evening, after we made love, I told him how badly I felt about the loan... and asked him for my first discipline spanking. I told him that I felt I needed to make things "right". I honestly did forget... this isn't a ploy to get a spanking. I'm the chick that doesn't want real spankings. I like the erotic spankings but I have come to realize that I'd rather just read about everybody else's!
After a moment or so... S agreed that I did, in fact, have a spanking coming. He informed me that it wouldn't be a "pat pat"... I'm gonna know I've been spanked. AAuugghh..... what have I done???
I'm hoping that the spanking eases my heavy heart because I do feel so bad. Even though she did pay me back this morning. I'm so glad I told him because he was there when she gave me the money back. Oh man, I can't imagine if I had been caught in all of this without having told him!
Well.... I'm in waiting. I'm waiting for my spanking. I think this might be worse than actually getting the spanking. I'm thinking I'm going to send the kids outside this evening and go to him and ask to finish this up. I don't think he has forgotten.. not by the look that I got when she paid me back today!! AAAaauugghh.... I may want to just run away from home!!!
I've done it this time!!
The last time I loaned them any money, S wasn't happy... and told me not to do it again. That was two months ago. I was ok with that. The wife and I are great friends... her husband is kind of a jerk. S is kind enough to be nice to him when he's around.
The Jerk called me last Thursday and told me that his wife wouldn't be calling me till the following Monday because their phone was gonna be shut off, and they would be able to turn it back on Monday. I told him to tell her to come over and I could loan it to her for the weekend... no biggie. She is such a good friend... and the money problems were probably because of him... amazing what goes on in a person's head instead of what it is supposed to be remembering. I really hate to see people not have a phone in case of an emergency.
I honestly forgot! I really did... I'm not kidding... completely forgot... till I wrote the check.. and then there it was... I remembered. Dang it!
Now I had to tell S. There were a lot of thoughts that went through my mind. I thought of not telling him. I really did. For a spit second, but I did.
I told him the next evening... Oh and he wasn't happy, not one bit. I have to say, my husband is one of the most laid back people I have ever met. He rarely get's mad... but he was that night. He didn't even suggest a spanking, I almost wonder if he thought I did it to get a spanking. I felt so bad.
That evening, after we made love, I told him how badly I felt about the loan... and asked him for my first discipline spanking. I told him that I felt I needed to make things "right". I honestly did forget... this isn't a ploy to get a spanking. I'm the chick that doesn't want real spankings. I like the erotic spankings but I have come to realize that I'd rather just read about everybody else's!
After a moment or so... S agreed that I did, in fact, have a spanking coming. He informed me that it wouldn't be a "pat pat"... I'm gonna know I've been spanked. AAuugghh..... what have I done???
I'm hoping that the spanking eases my heavy heart because I do feel so bad. Even though she did pay me back this morning. I'm so glad I told him because he was there when she gave me the money back. Oh man, I can't imagine if I had been caught in all of this without having told him!
Well.... I'm in waiting. I'm waiting for my spanking. I think this might be worse than actually getting the spanking. I'm thinking I'm going to send the kids outside this evening and go to him and ask to finish this up. I don't think he has forgotten.. not by the look that I got when she paid me back today!! AAAaauugghh.... I may want to just run away from home!!!
I've done it this time!!
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